In college I was surrounded by an amazing community of non-college students who invited me over for dinner, loaned (or gave) me their cars, gave me rides, let me do overnights, and whom I COMPLETELY took for granted.
Now I'm the 'grown-up'.
One of the college girls from my small group at the retreat is going through a hard time. Since June she's struggled with anorexia and hasn't had her period in months. Remembering how meaningful it was to me to get off campus and have time to regroup, I offered to let her do mini-retreat at our house Friday night/Saturday day.
Well, then the rest of my life started to overlap my good intentions. (Does anyone else double-schedule themselves!?) Friday night I'm helping another college kid fulfill a dream: I'm getting a bunch of folk together to go down and feed the homeless and hang out with them after. (My feelings about that form of 'charity' will be saved for another post) Saturday morning I'm meeting three of my close women friends for brunch. Saturday afternoon I'm meeting a new person for rock climbing at the gym around 2 pm. All this would be fine if college kid #1 had a car! But no. In the midst of all my own stuff I have to coordinate picking her up.
Hmmm.... maybe I'll see if she wants to come Saturday night instead. Then we can just drive to church together and be done with it. Plus, extra cleaning time! ;-) Not that I care about impressing her, but it might be kind to give her clean sheets on the bed and to finish my latest collage project (since it's occupying the floor of 'her' room). I woke up Wednesday night after 2 hours (!) of sleep and couldn't go back to sleep. My racing brain kept playing with an idea for a collage. So I got up and worked on it the rest of the night. But it's not done yet. Sigh. I have too many half-finished projects littering our house (and yard). Having her over gives me the deadline I need to get it done!
If only I'd done nice thank you gifts for everyone who was kind to me earlier in my life I might not feel this obligation to invest in others as I was invested in. Does anyone else carry this need to pay forward life's kindnesses?
4 comments:
I used to always over-commit myself and then regret it later. It's hard to set boundaries, especially when your intentions are so good. "SIGH" It takes a lot of work to be nice. hee hee. But I am sure the students/youth you are mentoring will really appreciate and remember you when they "grow up". :)
I have struggled with overcommiting myself for my entire life. "No" was not a real active part of my vocabulary until I was close to 30. Helping this girl out seems to fall squarely into the category of kindness and generosity that will be worth it and meaningful, but it's hard when there's so many worthwhile and meaningful things to do!
I still struggle with that balance between helping others and yet taking good care of myself. I feel like I've been in a selfish period right now; I have to remind myself that there will be times in my life when I'll be able to give back what I'm taking now.
Your generosity is inspiring.
All I have to say is - you and J are two of the big reasons I make a point in investing in the teens at church!
Well, I made nice thank-you presents for people who helped me out during my college years (and beyond) and still feel compelled to pay it forward. So no go on that theory.
If living at Prestigious Academy has taught us anything, it's the value of saying "No way, chica," when we have to. That said, some of our most fruitful times of helping out have been the ones that involve a measure of sacrifice on our part. It's a fine line that I think you have to find for each situation.
Remember, girl, that sometimes something as simple as a card that says "I'm thinking of you" carries the same weight as a weekend retreat. ;-)
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