A month or so ago I gave a friend a wedding shower gift. In the accompanying card I referred to marriage as ‘a perilous adventure, have fun!’ I scared her. “What do you mean by ‘perilous’?!” she exclaimed. Since then I’ve enjoyed telling that story and seeing the differing reactions between married and single friends. Single friends, especially in their early 20’s look at me in horror. Married friends all laugh and agree. The idea comes from the following poem by Phyllis McGinley. My parents gave me the poem early in my marriage, and at the time it didn't make a ton of sense to me. The further into marriage I delve, the more true it becomes. Shave off the shreds of idealism, mix in daily life, add a dose of perseverance, many healthy helpings of laughter and you discover where you are:
"The Landscape of Love"
by Phyllis McGinley
I.
Do not believe them. Do not believe what strangers
Or casual tourists, moored a night and day
In some snug, sunny, April-sheltering bay
(Along the coast and guarded from great dangers)
Tattle to friends when ignorant they return.
Love is no lotus-island endlessly
Washed by a summer ocean, no Capri;
But a huge landscape, perilous and stern—
More poplared than the nations to the north,
More bird-beguiled, stream-haunted. But the ground
Shakes underfoot. Incessant thunders sound,
Winds shake the trees, and tides run back and forth
And tempests winter there, and flood and frost
In which too many a voyager is lost.
II.
None knows this country save the colonist,
His homestead planted. He alone has seen
The hidden groves unconquerably green,
The secret mountains steepling through the mist.
Each is his own discovery. No chart
Has pointed him past chasm, bog, quicksand,
Earthquake, mirage, into his chosen land—
Only the steadfast compass of the heart.
Turn a deaf ear, then, on the traveler who,
Speaking a foreign tongue, has never stood
Upon love’s hills or in a holy wood
Sung incantations; yet, having bought a few
Postcards and trinkets at some cheap bazaar,
Cries, “This and thus the God’s dominions are!”
3 comments:
Hmm, interesting previous comment. I was just about to say how much I liked the poem. Maybe I should go back and reread it...
I realize that reading this entry is quite different than if you'd said it to my face, but I think I would break the pattern. I'm single, yet I like what you wrote to your friend. I wonder what that means...?
Scarp, it probably means I've told you too many stories! ;-)
Lesbonstemps, I think I'm drawn to poems and ideas that feel stark yet with rays of hope. The ghetto girl who learned to celebrate dandelions poking through cracks in the cement...
I've reread the poem a few times - I do like it. I think it is the 3rd stanza that draws me to it.
otrgirl, I think you may be partially right, but I think I have observed alot of marriages and am always drawn by the ones where they have faced the perilous times and yet still love and still draw closer. For example, how can you not be drawn by watching a couple that has lost a child at a young age (one of the biggest predictors of divorce), but come out stronger and closer?
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