This is SO embarrassing

I knew the company-wide "T0wn Ha11" meeting was today, so I dressed carefully and actually blow-dried my hair. I had trouble finding motivation to leave the house. The last couple weeks I haven't had much to do at work, and it's hard to make myself rush in just to sit around surfing the net. (yeah yeah, feast or famine, always complaining, I hear you say...)

Then I remembered the meeting was scheduled for the morning not the afternoon. I figured they would start at 10 AM since no one in our office gets here by 9 AM. Promptly at 10, I snuck in the back door and saw everyone already sitting in the lobby. Oops. I tossed my bag into my cubicle and then quickly and quietly slid in to sit by one of my fellow designers.

They were already at the "pengu1n awrds" (which happen at the end). Big OOPS. They'd given two of three away already. In recognition "For Outstanding Performance and Lasting Contribution", they pass out a $100 gift certificate, a plaque and a huge stuffed pengu1n. They called up the last presenter and my Creative Director walked to the front of the room. I got nervous.

"If I use a pronoun, you'll all know immediately who this person is, so I'm not going to try for surprise..." (I'm the only woman in our department, so I knew it was me as he said that.) "In the past four months, we've had a demanding client, tight deadlines and many, many deliverables. OTRgirl managed this whole project, including four designers in Detro1t and two freelancers here. She kept this whole juggernaut rolling and I was amazed how few times she had to call on me for any help. We're proud to have her in the department and wanted to recognize all her hard work and success."

I was blushing as I went up to get a hug from him. I started to drag off the pengu1n (it's heavy!) and everyone called out, "Speech!"

I turned back into fifty staring eyes, blushed a little more and stammered, "Phew. Thank you. I'm not at all sure what to say." I saw the account lead who'd shepherded us all through this whole process. She looked wistful and sad (since this year's show was the final one), so I continued, "I have to say it was an honor to be part of this project. We had a great team with a lot of mutual respect. I really enjoyed working with each of you. As usual, we can say we survived." (laughter) "I look forward to seeing what comes next." (The client's company was officially sold to The Evil Empire yesterday) I then shuffled back to my chair dragging the penguin by the head while clutching the plaque.

I sat down next to my Creative Director. I leaned over and said, "I thought this started at 10!" He laughed and said, "I was starting to get really nervous! Especially cause this isn't like you. Thank God you came in when you did!"

Last year I was a little hurt that I didn't get the award. This year I didn't expect it at all (since I WAS gone for a few weeks of the process).

That'll learn me to not be late for work...

Ignorance IS bliss

Sometimes it would be nice to be ignorant.

I don't like knowing it's July, and therefore all the first-year residents in hospitals around the country are fresh out of med school.

I don't like knowing that Dad K is in a Surgical Intensive Care Unit (SICU). (As in "Sick You") I'm married to an Internal Medicine veteran who's told me plenty of stories of post-surgery mishandling by SICU's. He's 80-85% happy with his father's treatment, but we'd both feel better if he were in a MICU instead (Medical . . . ).

I don't like that it took Jrex talking to three nurses, two residents and a senior resident before the vent settings and meds were adjusted for the fact that Dad K was a heavy smoker.

I don't like hearing from my coworker who just stopped his smoking habit that he had HORRIBLE nightmares for three weeks. And he was on a nicotine patch. So . . . Dad K is in a coma stuck with whatever is happening in his body as he goes through withdrawal.

I don't like waiting for his condition to change for the better and not knowing when it will happen. I don't like not knowing what the 'new normal' will look like. I don't like not knowing when my hubby will be home again.

I do like that when I spend time with the Lord, I can wash away all these concerns. I can lay them at his feet (an often loud, tear-filled process) and receive peace in exchange. I can know that no matter what it all looks like, there's someone besides me in control, and even when he does things differently than I might suggest, somehow it WILL work out for the best.

I just wish it didn't take me so long to get to the time with the Lord. It's like an old song says, "Oh what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry, everything to God in prayer." (Picture old ladies with German accents, large black women with gold teeth, and a skinny little white girl swaying back and forth as they sing)

The Waiting Game

My FIL has still not regained consciousness, but he's moving on both sides of his body. He had a big bleed on the left side of his brain, so they worried about stroke-like damage to the right side of his body, but he's moving those limbs. Jrex said that without waking up, and while still on the vent, Dad K kept trying to put his legs over the bed rails to get up. He turned his head at the sound of Mom's voice. All are really good signs. He is breathing a bit on his own, despite the vent. They hope to wean him off relatively soon.

That's the good news.

Ready for the bizarre medical trivia? This is kinda gross, so you might want to skip to the next paragraph... So. They removed part of Dad K's skull to relieve pressure from his brain swelling. In hopes of reinstalling the skull bone, they need to store it somewhere. Guess where they keep it? Graceful, who is a rehab doc, answered, "In the tissue bank. Right?" No. They put it into his abdominal muscles to keep the cells alive. Jrex thought that would only be for a month or two at the most, but they just told him it might be for 4-5 months. Which gave us a glimpse at how long and slow this process might be...

Jrex and his sister know they'll remain until at least Wednesday. That's when his Mom goes to the eye doctor to have her stitches removed. She had glaucoma surgery two days before Dad's fall. She can't see for crap out of her one eye and was under strict orders to rest for two weeks so the second eye would heal better than the first one did. Depending on Wednesday's exam, Jrex will know if he needs to stay another week to support his Mom if she still can't drive or cook or read or do anything visually based.

Which has HUGE implications. Mom K can't deal with the whole house by herself. Dad K might need to be in a rehab facility for a while. They have a ton of stairs just to get to their living quarters. My father reminded me not to jump bridges before I come to them, but Jrex and I can't help thinking about all the possibilities. Do they sell the house and move to LA to be near their daughter while Dad K recovers? Do Jrex and YJ take turns flying to New York throughout this process? For how long? As Jrex said, if this was happening locally, he could be in lab most of the day at this point and check in during evening visiting hours (during the day, the ICU only allows visitors from 11:30-12 noon). As it is, Jrex's life is on hold with little hope of any sudden, rapid changes in his father's status.

As for me, I'm doing fine overall. That said, I've realized all my single friends are right and being on your own does kinda suck. I've had lots of phone calls, lots of stuff to do, but it's really hard to go to sleep. It's hard to not have someone there in the quiet hours. No quantities of friends or phone calls replace the one best friend. Sigh. It might not be so bad if I didn't have 12 years of habits and emotional enmeshment with one other person, but it's not so fun.

Thank you all for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. It has helped to feel surrounded by so much care and concern.

This really sucks

Dad K, my FIL, fell off a ladder this morning and hit his head on concrete. He just got out of surgery to relieve pressure from the resulting head bleed. He's on a vent and has yet to truly regain consciousness. The next couple days are crucial. Jrex and his sister are jetting across the country to be with Mom K. I'm glad they'll have each other as they wade through the morass of medical decisions and implications. They really are the classic Asian Kid Double Threat: doctor and lawyer to the rescue.

My thoughts are all over the place.

-Dad K drove us nuts on this last visit. I DON'T want that as my final memory of him. Beneath his obliviousness, he could be surprisingly kind and generous and I'd like to collect a few more of those memories. He truly had been changed by his encounter with Jesus over 20 years ago and became a gruff man capable of gentleness (rather than a furious man with just enough control to not hit a wife or child). He hand-copied the ENTIRE Bible over the last two years and had just started on his second round. As much as I wouldn't trust him to babysit if we ever have kids, I want him there to meet another grandchild.

-However, IF he won't fully recover, it's better if this is the end. He is an impatient man who needs to move and DO things. If he's bedridden but alert, we would all suffer, him most of all. He made that clear a couple years ago to Jrex: no heroic measures. No long-term nursing care. Quick is better than lingering.

What's really strange is that we've expected him to get sick for a long time. This is just too sudden and too extreme. It feels like someone gave us the wrong script, but then, I'm sure that's the way it feels with any sudden accident.

Let's talk about race, baby.

My climbing partner, Graceful, is Chinese-American. I've discussed her marriage before. As she put it, our climbing sessions have become Steel Magnolias with climbing as the activity rather than a hair salon. In the course of our rambling chats, we've often discussed race and cross-cultural relationships. Her light-skinned 'black' husband identifies himself as Caucasian since he was raised by a white mother.

Monday night as we cleaned up after climbing, we had an interesting interchange:

I'd asked how Double Name is doing in school (he's in college in Florida, which is why Graceful has so much time to climb). She said, "He says he's doing ok."

I laughed, "Ask him if he's doing 'Asian ok' or 'Caucasian ok'; since 'Caucasian OK' is B's and C's and 'Asian OK' is A-'s"

She grinned, but also looked chagrined, "Not A-, really A's and not A+ is 'Asian OK'." She smiled as she went on, "I really should ask him that! He'd laugh. We've talked a lot about the fact that Asian parents are better at getting their kids to excel in school and that Asians tend to be much more intense about cleaning. He's challenged me to not impose those on him without us talking them through."

I nodded, "You're so right." Then something hit me, "However! There's something Caucasian parents do MUCH better than Asians."

She looked intrigued. I continued, "Caucasian children usually feel loved for who they are."
Graceful nodded, "That IS true." Then I thought about stories of hardship that Double Name has endured, "Unfortunately for Double Name, he didn't even get that perk from having a Caucasian parent..."

We both really enjoy analyzing behavior and patterns, so for us, we loved that conversation. Some of the other women in the locker room looked a little confused though...

Busy, busy or How to See the Golden Bridge more than you ever wanted to in one weekend.

Friday was our official holiday.

A couple of months ago, Smart Girl and I made a list of adventures we wanted to do in the area. One of the items on our list was to hike or bike on Angel Island.

At 9:30 AM, Smart Girl and her husband, Mac Engineer picked us up. We tried to zip through San Francisco, but were trapped in an hour of stop and go traffic getting over the Golden Gate bridge. Which meant we arrived five minutes too late for the ferry from Tiburon to Angel Island. Knowing we had to wait 2 hours for the next one, we schlepped our picnic over to park next to the harbor. That turned out to be the perfect way to do it, cause then we didn't have to hike with picnic stuff.

Angel Island is the 'Ellis Island' of the west. From 1900 to 1940 the US did NOT want to admit Chinese and other Asian immigrants. Anyone who didn't have papers or a first class ticket was detained on Angel Island for 2-6 months before processing or deportation. The men were separated from their wives and children. All were kept inside overcrowded, dirty rooms (who wants to live in the third bunk? Anyone?). There was a European exercise area where whites were allowed to play baseball and hang out, vs the Asian area where they weren't allowed outside. You can see the male detention center below:
In my usual fashion, I made a really bad joke. Jrex and I tease around the edges of racial comments all the time. We're both comfortable with it, but we keep forgetting that other people may not be! Jrex was sitting on a wall in front of the Asian detention center and I took a picture of him while exclaiming, "Look, I brought my very own Asian for photos on Angel Island. I like to bring props for photo shoots." Jrex gave me his famous KDS (Korean Death Stare) while Mac Engineer just looked uncomfortable. . . . oops.

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Saturday we picked up an Afghan woman for another day trip. One of my college friends, Big Heart has been living there for the past 5 years (check out his website: marigoldfund.org). He called to let me know a girl from his village was over here studying for the summer. Well, turns out she and her family are highly educated and mostly lived in Kabul with exceptions when the fighting was bad. Her English was excellent even though she's only been in the US for one year.

We asked her if she had anything she really wanted to see in San Francisco. Apparently, even as a child in Afghanistan, she wanted to go to San Francisco, particulary to the Golden Gate bridge. Back we went over the Golden Gate. There's a viewing platform on the other side and you can walk out onto the bridge. She was SO happy to be there.
Then she said she'd never been to the beach. At first we just watched as she played in the waves. After our picnic lunch, I went with her to dance on the edges of the tide. Our pants got soaked. I asked if she'd ever built a sand castle; she had no idea what I was talking about. So I showed her the basics and she had a great time.
We drove around the city to take in the sights, stopped in Chinatown, then dropped Jrex off to take the train home (so he could be with the mutt during the fireworks--she freaks out). Then I took her over to Berkeley for the fireworks on the pier. It was FREEZING!!!
The breeze blew straight from the Pacific through the Golden Gate and over the Bay to our faces. We both had scarves and ended up wearing them hijab style to stay warm. I definitely got some funny looks, but she was very happy to wear her hijab. She asked me to take pictures so she could send them to her mother.
Interesting trivia: she's from the Uzbek tribe, which is closely tied culturally with Arabs and Turks. The Taliban are Pashtuns, so their reign was not just religious oppression, but a reflection of tribal war.

Home by midnight.

Sunday? I collapsed and stayed in bed most of the day. I think I've become an introvert.

Cool Movies

Jrex's evaluation of a movie short that we caught on PBS:

We saw a great short film on PBS the other day-it's only 20
minutes long. It's called "Room 10" starring Robin Wright Penn and Kris
Kristoferson and actually co-directed by Jennifer Aniston. The soliloquy
by Kristoferson is one of the best descriptions of what makes a marriage
for the long haul – beautiful, real without mushy hollywood sentiment.

You can watch it for free on Hulu:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/70856/reel-moments-room-10

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Last night we watched Bella, which is out on DVD. It's a beautiful, impressionistic movie that will linger in your mind for the next few days. An exploration of how one day can change your life. The director/writer's inspiration sprang from his grandmother's phrase, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans". It's got one of the best male Latino characters I've ever seen. Flawed, yet gentle, he seems like someone you'd treasure as a friend.