“Pray Hard”

I read a bunch of Valentine’s Day blogs today. I felt like I needed to address the issue, but really we didn’t do much. I had dog training class, Jrex got home late. No card, no flowers, no overt romance. But in the end, we had a really lovely evening talking, laughing and praying together. He told me that being with me felt like being in an ‘oasis in the desert’. We’re supposed to do the nice dinner/sap fest tonight or tomorrow.

We discussed various cultural differences, particularly around prayer. When Jrex and I were first married, his mom would often tell me that we needed to “pray hard”-- for his studies/board exams/residency applications/etc. I would nod, a bit confused. Sure, I’ll pray. I had no idea what she meant by praying hard. Pray more often? Pray while pacing? Pray while punching a wall?

I now go to a church full of 1 ½, and 2nd generation Koreans. The first time I went to a group prayer meeting I almost lost my mind. Everyone prayed out loud at the same time. I had to stick my fingers in my ears so I could figure out what to pray. It was confusing, overwhelming, and really frustrating. After a few more sessions I gradually acclimated. Now I'm part of an interesting symphony where I pray aloud, yet can simultaneously hear what others pray. Different voices rise or fall, and different themes emerge. Every so often, the whole group shouts in prayer. The noise gets overwhelming, but if I jump in and shout along, it’s also very cathartic. I finally got it: “pray hard”. Yell at the top of your lungs for 15-30 minutes. Yeah, it’s hard all right! But oddly fun.

Another cross-cultural adjustment was the constant, rhythmic interjection of God’s titles. In Korean language prayer, phrases are often prefaced with “Hananim Abaji” (Lord Father). When Koreans pray in English, they often begin and end sentences with “Lord Father God”. If you want to try it out, just pray fast and loud: “Lord Father God we ask you to be here, Lord Father God. We thank you, Lord Father God, for what you are doing and for who you are, Lord Father God.” Continue along those lines for the next 5-10 minutes. (Perhaps why it's more efficient to pray out loud at the same time!)

It’s another example of how Koreans do “we” not “I”. It’s the whole group praying together, feeling the same thing at the same time. It’s not an individual trying to formulate impressive words for the group. There’s no need to feel shy or self-conscious. Best of all, everyone participates equally since the prayer time isn’t dominated by one or two people.

While I’ve learned to appreciate that form of prayer, I miss hearing the different ways that people express themselves to God. My childhood church was an inner city Lutheran congregation with a mix of German & Appalachian immigrants, middle-class whites, and Southern blacks. I savored the time of open prayer. Every Sunday, Ms. Smithy Calhoun would stand up and pray, “Dear Kind Heavenly Father, I want to thank you kindly for waking me up in my right mind today. Thank you for getting me out of bed and getting me to church. Thank you for all the goodness you’ve shown us. Please guide the work of our hands and lead us safely home in the end.” Rhythmic, comforting, and safe.

Incidentally, the idea of thanking God for waking up in one’s right mind is one I’ve only heard in black prayers. I wonder about the history of it. Does it go back to slave times when that may have been one of the few things to be grateful for? There’s something so beautiful in being thankful for every little thing. It’s true. I have all my fingers, my toes, and my right mind. I can go to work. I can love the people around me. There’s much to be thankful for.

I’ve been exposed to many different kinds of churches and faith expressions. I’m truly grateful for the increased emotional/spiritual vocabulary that gives me. Sometimes I bang on my African drum and yell like a Korean. Other times I thank God for my many blessings. And, at times, I sit in silence.