As a kid I would hear or read Bible stories and judge the characters for their weakness. “I would never doubt God, I would never rebel, I would never deny that I knew Him.” As I get older life has shifted into far grayer territory.
One character I actually despised. She seemed whiny, petty, pushy, impatient and jealous. If she’d just waited for God, the whole world would be different. Sarai, Sarah. Didn’t trust God enough to wait for a child. Pushed to get what she wanted. Then pushed to get rid of the result.
The obvious catch to this Faith business is that when you’re in the middle you don’t know the ending. Maybe you’re a misguided fool. Maybe you heard wrong. Maybe you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time and nothing is going to work. Maybe your friends are right: you need to grab life with both hands and stop waiting for God/events to change your circumstances. I start to doubt. I thrash around trying to figure out where to grab hold. Eventually I decide I’d rather grab God and I let go of all the fear and I return to waiting. Unfortunately, the cycle repeats frequently. Perhaps there is a reason that the verse I keep returning to is, "Be still (cease striving) and know that I am God." Perhaps this time I will listen.
I can no longer despise Sarah. She waited far longer and far more patiently than I.
No comments:
Post a Comment