There's no place like home

Last week was insanely busy. On Friday we presented a creative proposal for a us3r c0nference, we treated the standup presentat1on as a mini-confer3nce. It's a great idea, but meant designing a website, email blast, give-away bag and water bottle in addition to the regular standup presentat1on deck. Unfortunately, at the moment we don't have a robust pool of freelancers to pull into the office, so the only other design resource I had in hand was more of a production artist. That meant I couldn't just give her design and let her own it, so I had to do it all. On top of all that, we got hit with deliverables for a new client.

Needless to say, I barely saw anyone. I made time to see friends on Wednesday night, but otherwise I was buried in the office. I did get everything finished Thursday in time to catch the last 2/3rds of Much Ado About Nothing. It's a modernization, but Joss Whedon did a smart thing and filmed in black and white. It gives just enough of an 'old' feel that the language doesn't feel contrived in the modern context. That said, a plot that revolves around whether or not a woman in her early 20's is still a 'maid' feels far fetched, but they made it work.

Beatrice hiding to listen in on Hero telling the maid
about Benedick's hidden passion for Beatrice.

Once back home, we spent a mellow Saturday just hanging out as a family. Long naps for all three of us that afternoon. Then Jrex and I went out to see Superman. The casting was amazing, the acting was really good, the Messianic moments cracked me up, and the ending was over the top, but overall we enjoyed it.

Jrex turned 45 while I was in California. I'd left two gifts hidden for him. I wrote in the card, "Here's hoping you don't have any lingering Korean superstitions. If you do, I'm going with the 'two wrongs make a right' theory."

I gave him two clocks.

In Korean culture, if one gives a clock, it's a death wish for the recipient. As in, time is ticking toward your demise. Nice, right? Obviously, NOT what I want for him. He'd been wanting one next to his bed as well as an atomic clock in the bathroom. For the bedside clock, look what I found!

It's a water powered digital clock. You fill it with tap water and the ions in the water are enough to power the clock for up to five months.

Sunday night I'd invited a couple to join us for Korean food. They brought a homemade cake and a box full of gin and whisky. After dinner, the wife and I chatted and played with their 5-year old son while the guys did a 'tasting'. Let's just say Jrex was quite relaxed and happy when they left!

It's great to be home. The fun continues tomorrow when Jrex's mom and niece arrive from California. They'll be with us through Sunday. We're really looking forward to seeing Asian niece and watching her and Brex fall in love. She's 8-years old so I expect she'll really enjoy Brex and his antics.

Third time's the charm?

Rochester: Car next to the house while we were sleeping. Cops showed up within a few hours. Car found within a week.

Baltimore: Wedding ring, engagement ring, jade ring, laptop. Through the back door during the day while we were at work. No cop ever came. I had to request a crime scene investigator. Then waited until 1 AM for him to have time between murder scenes to swing by and fingerprint. Nothing ever found. No follow up.

Dallas: Bike, Bike pump, 8-foot aluminum step ladder, toolbox (old tools). Contractor's tools, 6-foot ladder and paint supplies. From the open garage, through the open gate while we were doing things on the far side of the fence.

We weren't going to call the cops about this burglary. None of the stolen items added up to our deductible, so it didn't seem worth it. However, after a Facebook post about the burglary, a friend asked about recent neighborhood break-ins, "Do you think this is the same guy?" In the most recent incident, he'd kicked in a garage door.

I called the detective on those cases to see if he thought it was worth reporting. He asked me what they'd taken. I listed the stuff above, then added, "The ballsiest thing they did was go through some thrift store donation bags I had in the garage, strew the clothes all over, then take one of the three bags to carry what they took."

He got excited, "Ma'am, what were the bags made of?"

"One was plastic."

"Could you please call it in and ask for fingerprinting? All I've got for evidence are a couple of photos that could be anyone and a bad video. None of the other victims asked for prints."

So, in the midst of a day full of deadlines, I called 9-1-1. Within 30 minutes, an officer knocked on the back door (the gate was open since our contractor was working in the alley). Muttola went CRAZY. No one comes to the back door first.

"Good girl. That's your job."

I praised her as I held her back and opened the door. The cop asked for details, and we toured the garage. Then we headed to the alley to chat with the contractor about what he was missing and when he noticed it. While we were talking with him, as a collarless Muttola sniffed the grass at my feet, two cops rode into the alley. I held the dog back so she wouldn't attack the horses. (We're definitely in Texas, y'all! Horses!!) The officer told them the crime had happened sometime in the last few days so there wasn't a need for them to do street patrol.

[pause. Now visualize being a thief running down the street as you're being chased by a horse...]

An hour after the officer left, the doorbell rang. I assumed it would be the fingerprint team, but NOOOOoooo. Alarm chasers. They must listen to the police scanner and then show up to the house to sell an alarm. Half an hour after they left, it was my neighbor. They'd knocked on her door, too!

THEN it was the fingerprint officer. I loved the irony that the woman responding to the actual crime was a petite, though tough looking, woman. The guy doing the post-crime analysis was over six feet tall and obviously lifted weights on a regular basis.

The good news is he found three viable prints. Now we just hope that one of them belongs to the thieves.

You know you live in Texas when...

...you get an estimate from a guy named J1mbo. Turns out he went to high school here in the Cliff. Great guy. Warm Texan accent.

He's been a mason his whole working life and prides himself on doing his work well. As we looked a project we need to finish in the back yard, he examined my cousin's work on our circular patio.

He couldn't believe that JR was able to do eyeball cuts with a tile saw.

"Them's some tight joints! I like to see quality work. He's a real mason. That's just beautiful."

I agreed, "Yeah, he's definitely an artist."

After business was finished, we launched into the story swap. We'd both seen (and cried) watching the video of the woman in Moore whose dog shows up while she's getting interviewed: http://houston.cbslocal.com/2013/05/21/woman-finds-dog-lost-during-tornado-while-being-interviewed/

Then he tells me about a tornado that went through Wichita Falls 35 years ago. They'd dropped off his 7-month old son to visit the grandparents. The next day a half-mile wide tornado went down the town's main street. He and his wife drove up that night, black cloud still looming on the horizon.

When they got to the house, it was cut in half with a car up against the side of it. They found the family dog in a locked bathroom, but not his family. As they were panicking a neighbor came over and told them the family was safe down the street at the church. Phew! His father-in-law had held the closet doors shut by sheer force of will less the twister suck them all out the door.

"Them twisters is freaky! We found a loaf of bread, still closed in its wrapper, but packed full of dirt so's you couldn't eat it. There was gas tanks, still closed with rags hanging out the pipe. It sets up some crazy vacuum. Straws was stickin' out of walls. I hope I never see the like again."

Me, too, sir. Me, too.

Since I'm a bear of little brain...

I can't figure out how to write the deep stuff, so here are the latest tid bits.

I finally understand my sister. Before having a kid, I didn't get her relentless need to go watch TV shows after the kids went to bed. Now, after putting Brex to bed, I barely want to talk to Jrex. Many nights I go to bed early just to read something mindless. I'm now forcing myself to read something that involves my emotions (G-dog and the Homeboys) and it's good, but it just makes me tired. I totally understand the need to just shut down for a while.

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Brex is walking with confidence now. He's started to carry things (and look at us to make sure we're noticing his prowess). Just two days ago, he started to walk with his hands clasped behind his back. Jrex's Dad used to walk that way (he's NOT the guy in the photo), so it's really cute to see it.


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I think I've found a church. When Dad was here we visited City Church International. It's an urban church that has a heart for the city. They also really invest in each other and seem to have a vibrant, diverse community. Each Sunday service also starts with a segment of worship songs. That time helps me still myself long enough to hear God speaking. When that's not part of a church service, I feel inundated with words without getting time to let things hit on a  personal level. I went to the membership class today and will go to the next class next week. It's taken a year and a half here in the buckle of the Bible Belt to find a church. I wanted some liturgy. Creaking pews a bonus, but with vibrant worship. An urban focus. A respect for the mind while feeding the spirit. Not divided along racial or economic lines. Being able to raise my hands and dance a bit. Solid small groups. Picky, picky, huh?

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We're beginning the round of Christmas parties tonight. First we join a Korean prof who's invited all the Korean faculty in the Oncology department with their families to come for dinner. It starts at 6:30 so we can only stay until 8 before Brex starts to get manic (his sign that he needs to go to sleep). The we drop him off at home, the babysitter comes over and we run out the door to another event. Good times!

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Of course, just because it's December doesn't mean it feels like it. We've invited friends over for dinner on the deck tomorrow night. Because it is STILL warm enough to sit outside at night without a jacket. I'm certainly not whining, but I do like at least a LITTLE winter...

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I made an Advent calendar! One of my friends here was looking for ways to make the Christmas season more meaningful for her son. I mentioned the Advent calendar my Mom made and she loved the idea. We spent last Saturday from 10 AM to 6:30 PM juggling Brex and making Advent symbols. Pics to come.

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 What are some of your favorite Advent, Christmas or Hanukkah traditions?

Threads

It's happening again. High School. College. Baltimore. Here. I'm not sure how it happens, but I seem to end up collecting friends who don't necessarily connect with each other. I did have a group of friends in high school, my art room/punk rock crowd, but I had others who didn't fit in there.

In college my four closest women friends were each in different circles of friends, but didn't click with each other. Through them I'd hang out with their circle, but I wasn't consistently part of the core.

Why the pattern? I'm using this blog to try to puzzle it out.

Thanks to my parents and our unusual 'third culture' upbringing, I learned to get along with many different people. I don't fully understand it myself, but I'm able to go deep emotionally with people in different arenas. In college, one friend was a prayer partner and someone who helped process dating relationships. Another discussed music, the creative process and books (and also dating relationships). A third asked intensely perceptive and challenging questions and we shared deeply about our family histories, spirituality, fears,  hopes (and guys). My fourth friend grew up in another country and we talked about race, about how to communicate, about family, religion and food (and relationships). 

The exception to the pattern was Rochester, I moved there after graduating from college to see if Jrex and I should get married. He was already part of a close-knit church which I joined. He had roomates who each married within a couple years of us and we hung out with them and their wives (and eventual children). When we switched to a different church, we hung out with groups of friends from that church. One of the joys that came out of that last year in Rochester was becoming best friends with two women who were also best friends with each other. Jrex called us "The Triplets". It was refreshing to have close friends who knew each other, too! All exceptions to the overall pattern.

In both Baltimore and California, most of our friendships came as I got to know people and initiated relationships. The exceptions were Jrex's group of fellow residents and lab mates. With them we'd join an overall group, but otherwise, we had a motley and fun assortment of friends.

Our developing friendships here feel like yet another collection. We have couples we really enjoy who don't necessarily enjoy each other. For Thanksgiving we tried to do an Orphan Thanksgiving gathering with two other couples, but I don't think the two couples want to hang out with each other. Instead, we met with the one couple this past weekend and will also see them next weekend and will do Thanksgiving with the second couple. It means we get lots of variety, but we don't have a default 'crowd' to see on a regular basis. Obviously, my church hopping has only added to the collection pattern!

I wonder if it relates to the part of me that always wants to find out what's next. I was always nervous to even audition for a play because, if I got in, it would confine my social world for 2-3 months. I'm not sure why a default group makes me feel a bit trapped (any ideas?).

I can't regret being a relationship magpie since our lives have been profoundly enriched by our wide variety of friends, I'm just trying to figure out if it's driven by healthy or unhealthy instincts. Why do I feel trapped if I'm only going to see the same people all the time? What am I protecting myself from? (I was in a toxic 'group' in junior high. Have I been avoiding that ever since?)

Curiouser and curiouser...

This Old House

"It's beautiful!"
"What a wonderful house!"
"You must love living here!"

This house certainly looks beautiful, the location is perfect for us, the flow and ability to entertain are amazing.

But...

"Ma'am, I have to tell you that what's happening with the wires in that crawl space is dangerous. We need a whole day down there to fix it."

"Ma'am, I'm sorry to say, I can't tell what they were thinking in how they did the plumbing for that bathtub. I've seen home owners do a better job themselves. This is terrible."

"We can't tell if we should build the deck to match the house, which doesn't have a straight line, or just do it right."

"Ma'am, we cayn't put gutters on thayat porch. Looka the line thare, your whole roof is droopin'. Lewks like thay removed a support post to get a betta view out of the livin' room windas. Ya'll need to add a steel beam up thare to reinforce thayat roof first."

From what we've gathered from neighbor gossip, here's the recent history of this 100-year old house:

1. Mother / daughter lived here with the house in the Mother's name. Mother gets Alzheimer's. Daughter comes home from work to see the house on fire and mother sitting on the porch roof. Mom set the fire. No insurance coverage since the home is in her name.
2. They sell to a Flipper. Flipper runs out of money to even get the house back in sellable condition.
3. DIY Cabinet Maker buys it. His Mom lives a block away and she and her daughter stopped by and told me that when he bought it, there were holes in the front porch, the front door fell off when they tried to open it. He lovingly rebuilt it from chaos. What he knows well, he did well: the redone hardwood floors are gorgeous, we have an amazing coffered ceiling in the foyer and the oak cabinets all over the kitchen are bomb-proof. What he didn't know and shouldn't have touched? Electric, plumbing and roofing. One neighbor said, "Oh you bought one of DIY's houses. He put them together with duct tape and bubble gum!"
4. He sells to a gay couple. B&M completely redo all the non-wood interior surfaces. They get rid of an upstairs bedroom and put in a RIDICULOUS Master Closet. We don't know who updated the Master Bath, but assume it was B&M. All finishes and fixtures are gorgeous.
5. We buy an old house that feels totally updated and move-in ready. Based on the home inspection we knew we had to do some foundation work and get the roof replaced. We also wanted to tear off the porch and put on a deck.

But...

We're slowly having to replace and repair essential yet hidden parts of the house. Doing things right that will add NOTHING to the resale value of the house (rebuilding the front porch, redoing the electrical system in the crawl space, etc). We don't know if B (M left him) knew all this and didn't declare it (and is therefore open for a lawsuit) or if he really just left because his heart was broken. Jrex is opting for the conspiracy theory as the evidence mounts. We're not into suing people, but it's a nice mental valve to think we could.

The latest drama is that we found a huge water bubble coming down the back wall. Long story short, the plumber just left. He found the leak in the spa tub in the master bath (how pretentious that sounds!!!) and was able to shut off the valve. He got to that via a small access port in the side of the tub wall. However, some bright person put structural beams right in the middle of the opening. Our home warranty covers the plumbing repair, but not the cost to create access. Our home insurance has a $3000 deductible. We doubt that the cost to repair the downstairs ceiling and wall and repainting will add up to that much so it becomes an out of pocket expense. For this month that's in addition to the out of cost expenses for my second round of hernia repair and body work on the car (which are also out of pocket).

My sister was wondering why we feel poor given our total salary as a couple. Well, every month has involved a few whammies like this since we moved here. We keep having to dip into savings rather than add-to savings. It's very stressful.

Talk about first world problems, right? Yet all this means that we can't afford the vacations to the mountains that we promised ourselves as part of surviving a move to Dallas instead of Portland.

Am I overspiritualizing if I'm hoping that the big picture story of this house and our time in it will be one of redemption? I was hoping that would come in the form of us doing foster care, or at least being a safe place for Brex's future neighborhood friends. Before we can get to all that, it looks like the house itself is in need of redemption and healing! We keep hoping and praying that the money pit will stop growing and that we'll be able to dwell here and enjoy the house without always feeling like we're on shifting sand.

So far, not so much... Try to ignore our grimaces when you come to visit and say, "What a lovely home, you must love living here!"

Coming up for air

I've worked 61 hours since Sunday afternoon. I'd worked on the RFI (Request for Inf0rmation) for Big Korean Tech Company (BKTC) a couple weeks ago. When we got invited back for the standup, I tried to say no to helping put the presentation together. After being promised that all my paying client work could go to freelancers and I'd only work on the RFP (Request for Pr0posal), I was sucked into the worst clustery project so far.

Anyway, that's all over and everyone in the office is doing a scramble tonight and tomorrow to put the pieces together so that one of our VPs can take the finished booklets and other detritus with him to K0rea tomorrow. I'm OUT of that tunnel.

Tomorrow I'm taking a comp day and will try to avoid the computer all day and all weekend.

We have no plans, but right now, that sounds perfect.
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In other exciting news, our back porch is being torn off the house!

 

That red circle is around the part of the 4x4 post that held up the roof and was tenuously held together with nails and paint. One of the first thoughts I had when we saw this house was that it's perfect, but the back porch has to go. We thought we'd have to save money for a few years first, but thanks to all the life transitions in one year (move+baby+house+home office), we received a tax refund that more than pays for a new covered deck.

Not only will we end up with a 17 x 12 foot deck, with a roof and ceiling fan, we're using Garapa wood for the deck boards and a built in shelf. Garapa is a sustainably harvested Brazilian hardwood. It lasts for 50-60 years and only needs to be oiled every couple years. It contains silica and therefore is as hard as concrete. It's supposed to be gorgeous. I'm hoping it works as a file for the dog's nails!

 

Another side perk is that while they're working on the back porch, thereby forcing us to park in front and use the front door, the city has torn up the side street facing our garage driveway. So, two reasons we'd have to park in front are happening at the same time. Score!

The city is repaving the road after digging it up to work on the water mains. The good news is that the baby can sleep through the sounds of back hoes, bulldozers and power tools, the bad news is that our fence, front porch and all our trees are covered in dust. Looks like I'll be doing some power washing and staining in the fall! Want to come for a work holiday?

The overarching goal is to get the deck (and the yard?) done for Brex's first birthday party. The first birthday is a big deal in Korean culture and it would be fun to have a progressive party. If people want they can come early for the Korean ceremony (dress him in Korean outfit and have him pick an object that supposedly indicates his future destiny), then we'll do an open yard party in the back yard and serve Korean food.

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In the gratuitous baby photo category: here are a couple photos from my birthday. We visited the Modern Museum in Ft. Worth. Outside the museum there's a 68-ft Vortex sculpture by Richard Serra. When you stand inside it and clap, melodic echoes clamber up the sides. We brought Brex inside. While he was skeptical at first, he quickly grew excited by the noise.

Making connections

In addition to a family visit and going to visit one of my best friend's from college, we've had a lot going on socially in the last few weeks.

Brex and I have hung out with B-boy and J-mom just about every weekend since we met them. Thus far, I really enjoy her. She's gone backpacking, likes the outdoors, isn't squeamish about using the neighborhood pool and could care less if the kids grab (and mouth) each other's toys. She likes having another Mom who doesn't want to ONLY talk about children. She's a lawyer who is staying home with their son for now and her husband works even crazier hours than Jrex. She's tried to connect to other Mom's in the neighborhood, but apparently many of the Mom's in the neighborhood 2011 playgroup are Mormon so that's a limiting factor. That playgroup meets during the day, so I've only gone once.

Last night we met at the pool with the boys. Neither one of the kids do much kicking or splashing. J-mom and I have comforted each other with the boys' lack of physical prowess. They both seem to be mellow kids who are perfectly happy playing with what's in front of them and don't seem particularly driven to crawl over to something new. B-boy is just two weeks older than Brex and it's cute to watch them sitting together.

That said, I've found out that Brex has the capacity to be a little punk! At our house, B-boy would pick up a toy and then Brex would try to grab it out of his hand (over and over). I kept making Brex share and J-mom kept saying it was fine, but so much for my mellow baby! Where did that little obnoxious kid come from?

In fact, when Aunt A and family were due to visit two weeks ago, they called in the morning to say they'd be late. I texted J-mom to see if she wanted to bring B-boy over after his nap. She did and so was here when Aunt A, Uncle D and the ferrets arrived. Talk about excitement! The ferrets stayed in their cage, but I think both boys (and the mutt) were fascinated.

This past Friday night we hosted the neighborhood "Wine Appreciation Group". One couple was our buddies, the Mommies from daycare. I'd mentioned our knowing F&C, another lesbian couple who live in the next block. The Mommies snorted that F&C were way too high class for them. Well, of course that meant that F&C were also here on Friday--they didn't seem at all snobby to us, so we think that any issues are in the Mommies' heads more than in F&C's attitude. We were joined by a fourth couple whom we'd never met before.  The fourth couple ended up staying until 11:30 that night! Turns out that Jrex and M bonded over cooking and brewing beer and N and I bonded over being in the Dead Mother club. We've been invited to their place in a couple weeks. (I'm obviously too tired to think of good nicknames anymore, huh?)

What's so strange for me in all this is that it's the first time since college that my friendships aren't forming around church relationships. That's always been how I've found community. In fact, it used to bewilder me to think about how people might form community without that built in bonding factor. As I've mentioned before, this neighborhood really does feel like a small town. The great side of that has been that people are eager to connect. The downside is people know your business. In fact, N and M had toured our house when it was for sale and F&C had been dying to see the inside for the past five years. Thank goodness I'd straightened up the upstairs since they definitely wanted the full tour.

I really like that Jrex and I as a couple are the kind of people that others want to get to know better. It's strange that our social calendar is full most weekends when in my mind we've barely started to put in roots. I guess they're happening anyway, huh?

After a good weekend, it's really hard to find my motivation

After a week where each day felt like a sprint to finish by 5 and pick up Brex, I finished enough stuff that I could take the weekend off. Phew! Jrex was similarly slammed with a big grant due Friday and then having to be in the hospital for the afternoon seeing patients. Of course, he had 6 consults and 3 family meetings that day (the norm is 2-3 consults), and therefore arrived home at the early hour of 10:30 PM.

While the baby napped on Saturday, I went to a neighborhood mom event. It was an info session on a company that does freeze dried food. BPA-free cans and a LONG list of ingredients that can be eaten straight, or rehydrated to make easy dinners. Sounds like backpacking food to me, but that's not a bad thing.

When I arrived, I noticed an Asian woman with her baby on her back. He had on a huge sunhat and sunglasses, so I couldn't see what he looked like. Since north Oak Cliff tends to be either Hispanic or Anglo with some African-Americans, seeing an Asian is rare though not unheard of. As much as I wanted to run over and chat her up, I played it cool. Everyone was talking in a circle so I joined in. Of course people were discussing the stupid Time magazine cover and mostly agreeing that it was designed to fuel the mommy wars and sell magazines. As the Asian woman (J-Mom) said, and the rest of us agreed, "We're all doing the best we can, judging each other isn't helping anyone!"

Talk wandered along and I don't know how it came up, but someone else said something and all of a sudden, J-Mom said, "Are you OTRgirl!? I've seen your last name on some of the neighborhood emails and wanted to meet you. Someone told me it was your husband who's Korean and that's why the K-last name."

I smiled back, "Yeah. I've walked into job interviews and caused many double-takes, especially in the Bay Area where they know what K-last name means. Are you Korean, too?"

She nodded, "I've got a Hapa baby back here." We kept chatting until the info session started and when it was over, exchanged contact info. We're going to try to get together next weekend. She's a little far for an easy walk, but definitely within an easy bike ride. Of course Jrex is a bit uncomfortable with me getting a bike seat (why? It's not like I crash or fall of my bike more than a couple times a year? Sheesh.), so I might have to wait a few years to bike over there. She's hoping we can get together regularly. Both of us agreed that we'd been nervous our kid would grow up feeling like the only one in the area.

We didn't really bond with the other couple (Phillipina/Anglo) that we met after we moved in. She's a bit shrill and he's much older. Plus, they moved far enough that we have to drive to see them, and it's much less enticing to overcome the social stuff if we have to put too much effort into the experience.

I'm well aware that I get excited by new relationships, the fun thing was to see that we both seemed mutually excited. She was so happy that she could refer to eye-fold issues without having to explain. I had fun being able to refer to her baby's HUGE cheeks as perfect Korean baby cheeks without having to explain. I thought Brex had some Korean cheeks, but he looks gaunt compared to B-boy. Her son also has a Korean name in the house and an American one outside the house. We didn't talk about it, but something that occurs to me now, Korean food is labor intensive, but we could potentially make it together and split it.

So, I'm sitting here with my to-do list glaring at me, my poor beleaguered Father outside in 100-degree heat staining the door and I'm writing a blog post instead of working.

If I left my motivation at your house, could you toss it back over the fence?

 

Buried alive!

My work was slow a couple weeks ago. Instead of just enjoying it, I got nervous that they'd forget about me and I'd get fired (though that would be ok, too!). Anyway, I sent out a 'Got Work?' email and have been buried alive ever since. Now it feels like they're all just dumping stuff on me since they can't see me bleed.

Mostly kidding.

Dad is here visiting and has already been a big help. Here in TX we have to file a Homestead exemption. We also received a $3000 jump in our property taxes. I haven't had the brain space to deal with any of that and Jrex certainly doesn't! The other day I realized, 'wait! Dad has a Real Estate license and went to Harvard law with a focus on contract law (I think. He'll correct me if I'm wrong. And ask me why I couldn't get off my balance ball in the office to step out and ask him as he sits/sleeps/works in the living room.) He went through all the confusion, pulled it together and mailed it yesterday (the final day to register a tax protest with the city). He came up with a very simple, elegant solution on the tax protest. If I have to go to a hearing, I hope I can articulate the defense as well as he did in the letter he wrote in our names!

We're going to stain the front door tomorrow. Yesterday was his birthday. We gave him a book and a card at breakfast (which we all ate separately at different times). Then for his birthday dinner, I'd given him three options: we make a fancy dinner at home, we take him out for a fancy dinner, or we go to worship and dinner at The Well Community. The Well is run out of a local church, it's a gathering place, a work environment (community garden and other projects) and a safe haven for adults in the neighborhood with mental illness.

Let's just say, we fit right in! After picking up Brex from day care we headed over. Lots of people came by to say hello to the baby. He took it all in stride. He rarely grins at strangers (he warms up slowly), but he wasn't at all nervous. The worship was genuine and completely not slick. The normal worship leader had an emergency so the guy who normally plays drums picked up a guitar. He couldn't quite handle playing and singing so a few of the community members jumped up and went to the mike to sing or do movement with the songs.

In any case, just letting you know we're alive and life is good.

Geek land and Competitive Parenting

The hard part about returning somewhere you've left is the reminder of richness.

Not anything economic, rather relational wealth. In 4 1/2 years I made and deepened wonderful friendships. For many of them, we happened to also be working through fertility issues and getting pregnant around the same time. It's hard to make new friends as a parent. There just aren't as many hours in the day as when I was 'single' (Jrex works long enough hours that I could get together with people for lunch, dinner, coffee, weekend walks, etc). Therefore, being back with good friends where we could maintain our contact while chasing kids around the room works. Building new friends while doing the same? Creates tenuous bonds that just take more time to deepen.

We stayed with Lovey and Dovey and their little girl Spark. After a wonderfully empty plane with a row to ourselves, Brex did a great job staying up 2-hours past his bedtime and doing his normal routine there. Spark has had a nanny and few play dates, so she was FASCINATED with Brex. In particular, she really, really wanted to grab his helmet (which, now painted, looks like a really BIG toy). Since she can crawl faster than I can move, we had an interesting time trying to keep Brex on a higher plane so she couldn't reach for his face. If he was sitting on the floor (with no ability to crawl yet), he learned to cry when he saw her coming. If we had him in our laps and she popped up to stand next to him, he was fine.

The sad thing is that long-distance, Lovey and I talk on the phone, but Dovey and I don't get to chat much. It's somehow strange for a wife and husband of other people to call each other to catch up. Anyway, he and I enjoy discussing design, home decor, counseling and many other topics, so it was fun to get time to catch up with both of them together.

This trip made me realize that I'm opting into a game I'll call Competitive Parenting. It's not something I'm doing with other parents, just trying to buck the system and compete with Jrex. Knowing that most baby's first words are a variant of a hard sound (Dada, Baba, Tata), I've been working hard with Brex to get him to say Mama first. Every time I change him, I look at him and do a long exaggerated "MmmmmmaaA" sound. After watching me in fascination, he'll often try to do it, "Na Na Ba Na Blah" (really, he says Blah Blah Blah, cracks me up!). Well, after a couple days in Lovey and Dovey's house, I had to tell Dovey that his daughter was a bad influence. He looked horrified, "What is she doing?!"

"As you are gleefully aware, Spark loves to say 'da da' and after only two days here, Brex is mostly doing hard sounds! All my effort down the drain..."

Jrex was delighted. I told him it wasn't personal since we call him "Appa" and the baby wasn't making any P-uh sounds.



Do you think this makes me a Western version of a Tiger Mom? Forcing the child to do something they wouldn't normally do for reasons of my own? (Laughing an evil scientist laugh) I'll manipulate him anyway!!!

The other thing I realized on the trip is that Silicon Valley is full of geeks. Which is why I fit right in. When I told people there that I should have painted the helmet silver so Brex could look like Magneto, they all laughed. When I say that here, I usually get blank stares. Maybe it's not that I'm strong meat (though I am that, I think), maybe it's lady culture vs geek culture? In either case, it's hard to be back where I'm at the early stages of building potential friendships rather than immersed among people who know me well.

All I can do is keep pressing further up and further in. It may take longer, but we're likely going to be here longer, so we'll get there.

Today's email exchange

Hey Ms G,

We just found out that Brex has been given a spot at Call1er Center starting August 1st. I think I mentioned that we were on the waiting list when you and I first talked about Brex coming to [Daycare Name]. It was a tough decision whether to accept or not because we've loved the personal attention and love he's received from you, B, My Belle and Baby Whisperer. The main factors are that Call1er will continue until he goes to kindergarten and it allows Jrex to be more involved in Brex's weekday world. They also only do this one major admission; if we refused it, there's no guarantee there'd be spots for him in the preschool segment.

Like I said, it's been a really difficult decision. It sounds funny, but thank you for making it so tough! Before knowing [Daycare Name], I'd assumed it would be an easy yes if he got into Call1er. Instead we've been so happy with his day care that it was hard to decide to move him. You've given so much attention, love, concern, wisdom and baby savvy that you've made it very easy to go back to work and not feel worried or guilty. On a personal level, I'll miss the easy walk down to your house and the 'hen fests' at the end of the day. We'll have to swing by some Fridays just to say hello!

OTRgirl


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Ms G

I guess if you were here I'd stick my tongue out at you because it isn't happy news for those of us who are really attached to him. Crum. I suppose it's too late to offer to keep him until he's ready for college? I better go outside and pout while pulling weeds. I do remember you had mentioned being on the waiting list, but hoped it wouldn't be any time soon.

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OTRgirl

Yeah, it's such a mixed bag emotionally. You are completely free to stick out your tongue at me! We were far enough down the list that I thought it was a long shot to get in.

Sigh.

===============================

So, the decision is made. Now I just have to endure snide remarks for a few months. It will definitely be hard to take him away from the other kids and the nurture he's received. Personally, I'll most miss Baby Whisperer trimming his nails. I haven't had to cut his nails since January 1st and he never scratches himself because she is able to cut them so close. Such a small yet important service.

Thank you all for your advice and feedback, it helped a lot. I liked the suggestion to get a nice gift for her before leaving. I'll give it to her at the end of July.

We need more advice

Your advise on the helmet dilemma was great, so now I'm asking for feedback on our next 'big' decision.

To switch Brex's daycare center or not?

Current situation
He's in a small house down the street (not this house, but one similar in size). There are three caretakers and 11 children. The kids are all happy and well-behaved; even the rowdy boys are managed well and learn to be gentle and not throw, hit, or climb all over the furniture.

Of course, that happens because the woman who runs the daycare is a control freak.

It must be said that her rigidity helps create a predictable environment and the kids obviously feel safe there. What bothers me more is how she personalizes things that have nothing to do with her. One day I arrived to pick up Brex and she told me the baby was angry with her since he'd been crying on and off since waking up from his nap at 4 pm. Since I'd brought the stroller so I could take a long walk with him, I took him over to change his diaper in case it was dirty. He had a poopy diaper. It didn't smell at all so it was an understandable oversight, but... if the kid is crying don't you do the hungry/tired/dirty/gassy rundown before assuming he's MAD at you? I don't think 6-month old babies know how to hold grudges.

I think I've also mentioned she calls him spoiled? She says that on Mondays he acts like he doesn't want to be a daycare baby. Well, we're beginning to suspect he's an introvert like his Dad, so being in a small room with a bunch of other kids is likely a bit difficult after a relatively solitary weekend.

To be fair, she has a LOT of know how and years of experience. They are wonderful about trimming his nails, washing dirty laundry, dealing with his cloth diapers and breastfeeding issues, teaching him to eat solid food, potty training the older kids, etc. Included at no charge are clothing changes, organic breakfast, lunch and snack, formula and diapers. No other day care does that.

Our New Possibility

Brex has been offered an opening at the Call1er Center which is at Jrex's work. It's a wonderful, new building directly on his way to lab. They have 3 workers per 8 infants. Each year they admit 24 kids who split into three cohorts. The workers remain with the infants in their cohort for the first two years, after that, the kids 'graduate' to the preschool program. The kids admitted in August are all born in the previous year (it's one of the deals where you sign up while you're still pregnant), so the age range will be almost one year olds (Brex) down to 6-week old babies. He'll go from being one of the youngest to being one of the oldest in the room. They support cloth diapers and giving the kids breastmilk, so that won't change.

The preschool program has some Montessori principles (they don't force the kids to all do the same thing at the same time); there's room for self-driven activities. With indoor and outdoor activity areas, there's lots of chances to get out energy in positive ways. The preschool program also includes field trips to the zoo, the aquarium, etc. Another really cool feature is that the preschool program includes deaf kids. He'll learn a little sign as well as learning about different abilities.

What are my hesitations about moving him?

• Time
  If Jrex drives Brex to and fro, I'll never see my baby during the week. That makes me want to cry. If I drive him in the morning (most likely scenario) I could leave at 8:45 and get him there at 9 and then Jrex brings him home by 7 pm. The problem is that Brex's natural bedtime seems to be 7 pm so that won't be in the baby's best interests. After 15 years of marriage to my wonderful husband, I know despite every good intention to bring the baby home earlier, it would be a huge challenge to get away in time to make that happen (often through no fault of his own). If I drive Brex to and fro at both ends, I lose an hour a day to commuting. Also, since my company is on Pacific Time, it helps if I get extra time at the end of the day.
  
  There's a guy with a little girl down the street who works at UT. Me being me, I'm planning to knock on his door to see if he might be up for a car pool. He brings his daughter home around 5 pm most days (I met them while walking Brex home). If he could bring Brex home earlier than Jrex would be able to, that would solve a lot. (The question about enabling a workaholic is one that I'm OBVIOUSLY not addressing here! ;-) )
  
  
• Cost
  It's $200 more a month. Doable, but painful. The good thing is that the tuition drops by $100 each year as the kids get older since the teacher/student ratio is higher for the toddlers.
  
  
• Friends
  His current daycare is all local moms and kids. At Call1er he'll get to know the children of his father's peers, but I've heard from another Mom with two kids there that she hasn't gotten to know any of the other parents. We're going out next weekend with one of the other couples from his current daycare, most Fridays there's a 'hen fest' (Ms G's term) with a bunch of parents sitting and talking about what they're doing for the weekend. Through the other parents I hear about local events and feel connected to the neighborhood. Of course, that also adds to my small town claustrophobia. Ms G being one of the BIGGEST gossips I've met doesn't help...
  
  
• X-factors
  Better the devil you know? I'm guessing that they'll be less controlling, but I could be wrong. She only does up to 3-year olds so I'd have to find another preschool option for him. I'm also a little nervous to tell her we're 'rejecting' her and moving Brex somewhere else. I don't want to create bad blood with someone who is deeply entrenched in the area and who obviously has some interesting emotional filters (though that's also part of why I'd like to create a little distance).

So, what say you? Is it worth the extra time with him and the easy commute to deal with someone who irritates me? Is the grass just greener in the unknown "new" pasture? Am I being the control freak? We have to send our answer by Monday, so it's a fast yes or no decision.

Hold 'er Newt, she's a rarin'!

I have no idea what that quote means, but my Dad used to say it all the time and it seems appropriate after yesterday. For those of you who don't know, yesterday was a basis for the phrase, "Lord willin' and the crick don't rise" cause it sure did rise!

I'd just finished a conference call with the design studio when the dog started whining and shaking. She usually does that when she hears thunder, so she's become my early warning system that a storm is coming. In the distance, I thought I heard a really loud fire truck. We also had guys from the roofing company who were here to replace some rotten boards on the front porch (covered in their 10-year warranty). Perhaps all of that was making the dog anxious. Going out to the front porch, I realized it wasn't a fire engine, the sound continued and was obviously the tornado warning system. My neighbor came out and looked around, "I don't see anything! What are they running that for, I thought the storm was south of us."

Bringing the dog in and turning on the radio, I was shocked to hear that there was a confirmed tornado in a town just south of us that was heading north and due to arrive in 12-minutes. I ran out to tell the guys to get off the roof and take cover. They acknowledged me and one of them began cleaning up while the other guy just worked a little faster to finish the roof.



I came back inside and grabbed a bunch of pillows from the daybed then set up a nest for the dog and me in our first floor powder room. It's the only room in the house without windows. Our whole house is raised up on a post and beam foundation so even being in the powder room didn't feel that safe. My phone started ringing with family and friends calling to make sure I was safe. They all asked about the baby. I'd just assumed that Miss G at the daycare is an old hand at dealing with this sort of thing and it hadn't occurred to me to even call her. After continuing to listen to the radio (via a live stream in iTunes on my laptop. We're not in 1978 Cincinnati anymore, Muttola.) and getting more emails, I finally caved and emailed Miss G:

Subject: Trying not to call
Email: So many people are calling to ask if we're ok and if the baby is fine that I just wanted to check in.

She emailed back that Brex was happily asleep and she had the older kids playing in the tub and was watching the news to see if she needed to wake the babies and put them in the other tub.


Despite the chaos to the west and south of us, in our immediate area we only experienced a long thunderstorm. The guys even finished the porch before the rain hit. Heck, we didn't even get hail (NOT complaining at all!).


Aside from droopy roses, we're fine, the house is fine, our neighborhood is fine. The dog? Well she might have a little PTSD.

Scatter-brained

Dashing off a quick post while waiting for some files to upload.

Little Brex got his helmet on Monday morning (Insurance covered all but the deductible!). Pictures coming soon! It looks really cute on him. Unfortunately, he was also sick Monday so we ended up leaving the helmet off since it seemed like it made him hot on top of the fever. He's worn it since yesterday and seems to be adjusting well. In the last couple weeks he's transitioned from sleeping on his back to sleeping on his stomach. I like the helmet because it gives him more air space when he plants his face on top of his fat little fists to sleep. (Can I just confess how much I'm loving the baby pudge?! I didn't realize he'd even get cellulite. Cute cellulite, but still! The cool thing about it is that he gets padding everywhere that he'll need protection while crawling or walking. Don't know why that babyland factoid never occurred to me before now.)

Went to the collage class the other night. There were two women I already knew. Sadly, they were the only ones who really talked with me. Most of the women were taking the class with friends, so it was a bit of a closed loop. Still, it was fun to make some art. It gives me motivation to get my studio set up and get in there on Saturdays when the baby is sleeping.

Sunday night, Jrex and I went to The Mansion (no joke) for our 15th anniversary dinner. We enjoy food as a form of adventure, and haven't often found that yet in Dallas. The Mansion delivered for the most part. As long as we didn't pay attention to the prices! Mostly though, it was nice to sit on their cozy bench at a corner table, dressed up and in a beautiful place and just talk for a couple hours. We sorted through a conversational pattern we've been having in the last few months. My perception had been that since the baby was born, Jrex jumped into Korean mode and was expecting me to just agree with anything he said (which completely freaked me out that there was a whole package of new expectations that I would never be able to meet). From his perspective, I was making logic leaps that made no sense and so he was getting frustrated. THAT was a relief for me to hear. He's always been aggravated by sloppy logic. In fact most of our early marital disagreements had more to use with differing definitions of words than they did about actual issues. I blame pregnancy brain...

Otherwise, I have too much work to do and not enough hours. I have two freelance clients on top of a lot of work deadlines. Good times! At least the kid goes to sleep by 7 pm so I can get stuff done.

All that is to say, we're still alive down here in Tejas where it's March and 86 degrees!

Wonderful, ordinary life

It's challenging to blog about contentment.

I picked up Brex from daycare this afternoon. All the children and caregivers were in the backyard playing with each other. Gentle Smile held Brex and cooed, "Do you see who's here?!" Brex started giggling and shoving both fists in his mouth. The other kids crowded around me to show me the shovel, the bucket, the truck or the flower in their hands. I sat holding him and chatting with the other parents and with Miss G for a while. Then we went inside to gather up his diaper bag (I bring clean, dry cloth diapers, they fill my handy little waterproof bag) and then head home.

As soon as we opened the door, Muttola started whining in her excitement to go out. Unfortunately, our laziness about training her to be consistent on walks has now come back to bite her. She doesn't stay on one side the whole time. With Jrex, we did a funny dance. With a stroller? Well, let's just say that my left elbow is still recovering from a walk I did with her and the baby in the stroller a couple months ago. Most days I put him in a Beco Gemini carrier and bring the dog.

(Of course that's me!)

Today, however, I wanted to get in a power walk. So, sorry, Muttola. I've found a little enclave behind the neighborhood park that actually has a fairly steep hill. This sounds like a silly, minor thing, but I really missed having a hill nearby in California. There I was with hills waving hello, but only after getting in the car to drive or walking for hours (which wasn't going to happen for a dog walk). Now here I am in flat Texas with hills near my house. I try not to imagine what the residents think as I walk the stroller up and down the hill a couple times. With my luck, Brex will end up with a BFF on the street and they'll say, "Oh, it's YOUR Mom who was the crazy lady?"

As I walked, I was deeply thankful. Glad that spring is already here. Grateful to have a son to push in a stroller, really happy about the hill. On the way home, we walked through the neighborhood park. I've never seen it so swarmed with kids and adults: soccer, basketball, tennis, fishing, playing on the path around the pond, and kids' play structures crawling with children.

Then home for baby feeding and bedtime.

He's been happily eating rice cereal for the past few weeks. We've mixed in peas, beans and sweet potatoes. The potatoes gave him gas, but the other two were eaten with gusto. Then I feed him. We go up, change him into PJs, read a story, say a prayer, sing a song and then swaddle him and put him in bed.

Dinner with Jrex usually follows (he comes home in time to give Brex a kiss and then cooks while I put him to bed).

Most evenings have a similar rhythm. The only drama has been trying to sort out his schedule to work with Miss G's schedule so that she doesn't complain about him being 'spoiled'. It's the comment she makes if he has a fussy day. Every time she says it I see red. It's a useless way to approach the situation, creates an unfixable situation. The only solution to spoiled is for me to change, right? Plus, I don't think anyone who's spent time with him would call him spoiled. He's happy to be held by other people. Is he used to things being a certain way? Probably. Kids like routine. So the fact that I make faces at him when he's on the changing table and we usually spend the time laughing together? And when he's at daycare, he cries when they change him? I think it's cause they aren't doing it 'right' in his little opinion. We've seen that with Jrex doing the bedtime routine. Brex used to start crying in the middle until I walked Jrex through how I usually do it. Once Jrex did it 'right', Brex was content to have him put him to sleep.

Ah, good times. Two alpha females and one baby. I've been trying to change what I can to align with how she does things. She's not going to change and Brex can't do anything to change his circumstances, so that means it's me that needs to shift. It's mostly been solved by adjusting our schedule to better fit the one he has during the day. So far, so good on that.

Heck, if that's the main fly in the ointment right now, we're doing really well, right?

Oh, and I'm still looking for a church.

And Jrex is totally buried alive at work (manuscript to get out by Wednesday, first day in clinic tomorrow, he has to write up a justification for the six-figure microscope he needs so they can pitch it to the board, one of his lab people hasn't gotten any results yet, he needs to get the lab really running, and somehow find time to be a husband and father).

So what do I blog about if I don't need to vent? Anyone have ideas?

Doing the right thing shouldn't feel so sad

As Brex, Muttola and I entered the park, she slunk from between two parked cars. She crouched just ahead of us, ears pinned back to her head, tail tucked hard against her belly. Her distinctive head made me nervous about cornering a pit bull mix. I didn’t want to walk away either and trigger any prey instinct. Muttola was on full alert, but relaxed. In a soothing, happy voice I murmured, “It’s ok, sweetie, we’re not going to hurt you. You’re ok. Don’t worry, it’s ok, relax...”

Slowly she stood up a bit, after a minute or so, she half crept, half scrambled so she was in the free space behind us. Her blue collar made me think she was someone’s pet, but there were no tags. She looked skinny, but not gaunt (though I worried her round belly might mean she was pregnant). As she relaxed, we walked ahead and she perked up and scampered along with us, always behind Muttola, as close to me as she dared.

This park, two blocks from our house, has a small pond with a sidewalk all the way around it. It’s a favorite with families, walkers and people who just like to chill on a bench and watch the ducks and herons. As we strolled around the pond, the brindle pit bull’s ears began to stand up, her tongue came out, her tail began to raise and she began to bounce as she walked. Muttola was completely on her dignity. She barely marked (which if you knew her, is close to a miracle) and when the little dog began to run in joyous circles under the leash, around the mutt, up the hill, back down, around the leash, up the hill, tearing quickly over the ground, Muttola just stood still and watched the antics. I laughed since just this past weekend she tore similar circles around Jrex when we took her to an off leash area. Big faker.

As we came to the other side of the pond, the little dog ran off to the basketball court and was petted by a guy there. I assumed it was her owner and kept on going. Within 20 feet, she was back. As I walked home, she stayed close to my side. I hadn’t said anything to her, didn’t want to encourage her and hadn’t petted her at all. She stayed right next to us all the way.

When we got to the house, she scampered up the stairs after Muttola. As I unlocked the door, she sat on the mat and looked up at me with confidence. I felt awful as I let our mutt in, but gently kept her out on the porch. Our big wooden front door is flanked by narrow panels of leaded glass. I could see her shadow on the other side as she silently looked in. After a while, I didn’t see her there. It got dark, I’d heard nothing on the porch, our motion lights hadn’t gone on, Muttola was relaxed. Just to be sure, after an hour, I opened the door to make sure she’d left. Out she crept from the corner of the porch. I said, “It’s ok girl. I’m sorry!” and quickly shut the door on her again.

Now I had to do something.

I called a neighbor who frequently handles strays. She wasn’t able to take this one on. She told me we should get the dog into our yard and then call animal control or put out notices that we found a dog.

I walked out the front door with Muttola and Little Grey scampered behind us as we walked around the house to the back yard. I left them both out there while I went in to get food and water for Little Grey. Muttola let her eat and drink in peace (also a miracle) and didn’t seem at all jealous. After Little Grey finished her food, she came over to be petted. As eager as she looked, when I lifted my hand to pet her, she cringed belly to the floor. As I petted her, she eventually raised back up. After seeing that, I had NO desire to let her owner know where she was. I left both dogs in the back and went in to help Jrex with the baby’s bedtime routine (Brex cries if I don’t sing to him and then put him in the crib. Nothing Jrex does seems to equal that mommy moment. Poor guy.)

We came downstairs and started trying to figure out the animal rescue deal. We worried about leaving her outside all night since it was supposed to get cold. All offices were closed, but I saw that the main SCPA near our house had evening drop off hours. Jrex began cooking soup for dinner while I went out to take the dog to the shelter. Looking at her hopeful brown eyes, I was SO tempted to keep her. Yet, two dogs and a baby? An abused pit bull mix with an eventual toddler in the house?

To get her in the car, I had to climb into the back seat and call her gently to jump in. As soon as she got into the car, she again cringed and slunk along the floor. I climbed into the driver’s seat and she ended up standing with her feet in the back seat area and her paws on the console between the seats. If I petted her, she tried to put her head in my lap. It would have been cute, except she smelled like long dead fish.

We pulled in front of the building. No lights. No open doors. Then I saw a lit area to the right of the front doors. In the wall were eight metal squares with handles. Most of them gaped open. I drove closer. It looked like kennels built right into the wall. If I could get her to go into the outside door, there was an inside door on the other side for them to admit her. A doorbell and papers to fill out meant this could be totally anonymous, or you could give them what info you knew about the dog. Talk about a no shame system!

I had no worries about her running away when I let her out of the car. Sure enough, she stayed right next to me as we walked over to the kennel doors. When I waved my hand for her to get in, her belly hit the pavement and she wouldn’t move. I moved slower and called for her to go on in. She got up and crouched as she sniffed the kennel, but she wouldn’t go forward.


I heaved a sigh and then crouched down and duck-walked into the space. She crowded in after me. I got her in front of me and then gently petted her one last time. “Stay, sweetie. You’re ok”. I closed the door, rang the bell, saw her little shadow as they let her in and then turned and walked back out into the darkness.

Lovin' Texas

Since October, I've gone most Friday mornings to join a group of women for Bible Study. We've been making our way through a book by Beth Moore called "Jesus". Good times, great women. Most of them grew up in Texas, many of them here in the 'Cliff.

This morning I was sharing that the Lord's been taking me through a passage in Revelation about a church that's lukewarm. He tells them that He wishes they were hot or cold. That they think they have everything and therefore don't realize they are cold, naked, blind and poor and desperately need him. It's actually the place where an oft-quoted verse is, "Behold I stand at the door and knock, if anyone would open to me, I'll come in and dine with him/her." For me it's a call to deeper intimacy during a phase in life where I'm not desperate for God. That I need to invite him in, pursue more time with him, and ask for eyes to see where I need him.

As I shared about how good life is right now, I joked, "I mean, who knew I'd find my dream neighborhood in TEXAS?!"

Amidst murmurs of agreement around the table, the sweet, gentle Texas Grandmother next to me lovingly patted my arm and said, "Get a rope!"

She apologized later, but I thought it was HILARIOUS.

Bonus Day!

When in the womb, Brex had a pattern where for a couple days he'd barely move and I'd freak out that something had gone terribly wrong, and then he'd have an active day where I wished he'd calm down. I know, I know, never happy, right? He's continued that pattern. Three days ago he would NOT nap. Today? Awake for an hour, nap. Over and over. Then he was still happy to sleep for the night (so far). Tomorrow is my hernia surgery, so I'm hoping we both get a good night's rest.

That's not the bonus though.

When the mail came, we received a huge box of local, Texas citrus, pears and chocolates. From our realtor and his wife! I think his wife sort of adopted us since we moved here and had the baby right away with no family in the area. We're so humbled by their generosity. Looks like we'll have dinner guests in January!

That's still not the bonus.

On Monday, Brex and I wandered down the street to the daycare I'd mentioned in the previous post. It's small, but all the kids looked really happy. They kept crawling into the laps of the woman who runs the place and her helper. The assistant stayed late just cause she wanted a chance to hold Brex. Let's call the director Blondie. I actually met her last fall at a neighborhood barbque and wrote her off as a total flake. Yet watching her loving, gentle approach with the kids and how content the children seemed in her care, I decided that maybe she talked my ear off because she's with kids all day? Anyway, Jrex is going to go down there with Brex tomorrow after we get home from the hospital. I need him to weigh in on which version of Blondie he sees: flake or nurturer.

Beyond all that, part of my hope for my weekend in bed is to spend some time journaling and praying about the bigger picture in terms of career/babyland/part-time/freelance/etc/etc. I need to know that I know I'm supposed to do what's next. I don't want to spend Brex's life second-guessing whichever option we pursue. Jrex is being very patient with me thrashing around trying to figure it out. I was reminded today by a dear, trusted friend that each marriage has to be interdependent. That each spouse stands alone before God before deferring to each other. I need to check in there first before forcing Jrex to be the fall-guy for whatever decision we make.

Not the bonus (obviously).

We've had major contractor drama around getting estimates for roof work. Back and forth since August! In the end, my Dad recommended that we get a clean estimate from a roofer we select (every other one was recommended by either our realtor, our insurance guy or our contractor). I followed his advice and ended up selecting the roofers who'd done our neighbor's house. I called them yesterday to find out when they were going to do the roof. They asked if they could drop off material this morning and then do the work on Friday and Saturday. Sure!

The doorbell rang today at 6:45 AM! Yikes. After the guy dropped off the materials (Class 4, hail resistant shingles. Yee-ha for Texas weather!), a bunch of Hispanic guys started to gather. Next thing we knew, they were working on the roof. As they started working, Muttola bugged me to go out. Well, obviously the back yard was out of the question, so I bundled up the baby and set forth to the park.

When I walked back in the door, the phone rang.

"OTRgirl? Congratulations! This is J with the roofing company. You just won a free garage roof!"

I was confused, "I thought we didn't include the garage in the job?"

J laughed ruefully, "We didn't. I stopped by to check in with the crew just now and they'd already started tearing up the garage roof by mistake. I didn't want you to look out of the house and see that and get worried."

"Will there still be enough material to do the porch roof?"

"Yup. Merry Christmas!"

Bonus!

Getting to know you

We went around the room doing introductions: a labor & delivery nurse, a stay-at-home Mom, a Mary Kay rep (and great-grandmother) in her 80's, a single woman who is a Counselor, a Grandma, a Mom/part-time finance person (with three adopted children), Counselor/Mom, Mom, Mom, and then our fearless leader. This group has met for years on Friday mornings: a tight-knit group who've mostly lived in Oak Cliff all their lives. I was invited to join them by a woman at Tyler Methodist.

I joined the study in the second week. They're going through a book by Beth Moore called "Jesus". It's a study of the book of Luke that takes 18 weeks. After a warm welcome, the group had a lot of questions for me:

"When are you due? Two weeks! My goodness, you're tiny. What are you having? Where is your house? How long have you been here. Are you working?"

"Where's your mother?" (this from the labor/delivery nurse). I answered, "She's been dead for 14 years." With a sympathetic shrug she continued, "Well, maybe it's a God thing you're in this group, we're all happy to help with baby stuff!"

Other women chimed in, "Yeah, I have a 14-year old and a 17-year old who love to babysit. Heck, I'm underemployed right now, I'll come babysit!" "Bring the baby to the group, we'll all love to take turns holding him."

After years of being one of the 'old married people' compared to many of the people in my small groups, being in a group of women that includes a great-grandmother (with fiesty red hair) is wonderful. I also loved that the discussion was very earthy and authentic. It didn't feel like 'Southern Hospitality' where there's a facade of warmth, but then people are stuck with masks (stereotype, I know!).

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One of the other things we did with Mom K was to go to a neighborhood bbq in the next block. The hosts were a lesbian couple with twins (one has my first name, the other has a variation on my middle name. Easy to remember!). We sat across the circle of chairs from them and Mom K kept thinking that the guy sitting next to the couple was the Dad. It must have taken 10 variations of me or Jrex saying, "No, it's the two women in the red baseball hats. They're the parents." She also thought there were a lot of housemates there, she didn't realize they were all gay couples.

One of the older gentlemen at the event is actually Santa Claus. He drives a red car with a vanity plate and does dozens of gigs each season. Apparently he really decks out his house, too.

We found out a ton of gossip about our house. They called the guy two owners ago "Na zi Ni ck"; I didn't find out why because his mother was chatting with another group nearby, but I'd met her and she's a really interesting woman who's originally from Germany. I HOPE the name isn't a reference to her heritage, cause that would be really lame. Especially since the woman who was telling me was also going on and on about the super-organic day care that she runs. She called the most recent owner "Daddy War bucks" because he was bald and poured so much money into this house. When we explained which house we'd bought, many of them exclaimed, "Oh! You bought Big Brown!"

I guess this is the joy and the craziness of a "real" neighborhood, huh? People have been here for years and know each others' histories. I wonder what nicknames we'll end up getting? Probably "The Slackers"! We were informed that our street goes nuts with Hallowe'en decorations and Christmas--we've NEVER been good with that. The guy across the street from us does a hearse filled with dry ice, people drop off car loads of children to trick-or-treat our street. I think that this year we have a valid out due to the baby, but I guess we'll be in trouble if we opt out in the future. Guess we still had better stock up on candy, huh? Mom K will be back with us for Halloween this year. Should be fun (and very amusing).

It was strange to go from that BBQ to the Bible study. For the area within a few blocks of us, we have one of the bigger houses and seem like 'rich' people. A little further north in Oak Cliff, there's an area called Kessler Park that has really big mansions, rolling hills, and a golf course. The Bible study is in a house just off the golf course. In that group, I'm definitely NOT one of the rich ones. (Note: the houses below ARE in Kessler, but they're much bigger than the house where the study is...)


We went to a pool party yesterday to welcome new faculty. Jrex was one of the guests of honor. THAT neighborhood has "Oh-My-God!" mansions. It's in a northern part of Dallas that's very wealthy. It all circles back to making me so, so grateful for the house/street/neighborhood where we get to raise a kid. I love the diversity around us and that there's a mix of rich and poor and that we'll get to know people from so many walks of life.