Not to move too quickly away from the election, but Jrex got this email last night and it's HILARIOUS.
I have a favor to ask of you. You see, my brother is getting married. He and his fiancee are putting me to the task of arranging a wedding for them here in the Bay Area (this is an Indian tradition, that the eldest sibling organizes the wedding).
As this is an auspicious occasion for my brother and his fiancee, and they would like to respect our parents wishes of a traditional Indian wedding, I would like to hire an elephant for the wedding. Basically, this should be an elephant that is about 3.5 meters in height. If it is a bit difficult to find an adult elephant, a baby elephant will suffice (perhaps 2 meters in height). My brother will sit on the elephant and there will be a procession accompanying him, as he goes to greet his wife-to-be. We plan to have the wedding in [neighborhood], as there is a street close to where I live that is quite wide and long enough to accommodate a sizable crowd and an elephant.
I would much appreciate it if you tell me where I can hire an elephant, or if you know someone at the [city] zoo who can lend me an elephant for a day, I would be so grateful! I promise you, your assistance will be rewarded!