April 13, 2007


...as of 7 am Central Time, both of them are gone. GH, tragic, young, too soon. Grandma, gently going home.

In some ways, the vigil stage is harder. Now I can start to move again. For instance, I now have to switch plans from going to a wedding in LA to a funeral in Kansas next weekend.

Fortunately the cute Anne Klein dress I found in my neighborhood thrift store (read upscale...) will still work for the funeral. How pitifully trivial my brain can be, right?

As further evidence of my skewed priorities, while I'm sad I never got a final goodbye with Grandma, I'm really excited to see my aunts and cousins. When I called my sister to tell her the news we were both looking forward to hanging out next weekend. Joys and sorrow all mixed together. That's life, right?


Mama Nabi said...

*hug* I've been thinking of you a lot lately... and I'm glad that your wicked sense of humor found some relief in not having to switch out outfits between a canceled event and unexpected event. Hell, I'm sure your grandmother will appreciate that you'll look good at the celebration of her life (isn't that what funerals should be?)... I'm sorry for your loss, glad that the last moments were gentle for your grandmother... not having said goodbye is a bitch, isn't it? ... so sorry.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry for your loss too. May you have safe travels and some sweet reunions in the midst of the grieving.

Thank you for your wise words to me yesterday. Yes, you did know exactly what I was talking about. And your words were like a soothing balm. While I already knew it was hard to lose your mother, I can now see what a source of wisdom and comfort and grace she was. When you explained what she would have said during a time like that, I almost felt as if she were here, meeting with us. Mysteriously strange, but such a true feeling.

Blessings to you, and may you find comfort and joy right now.

Inkling/Sara Orange

Anonymous said...

It's OK and normal to be happy to see your extended family and sad to lose your grandma at the same time. Grandma had been through a few funerals in her time and understood how they are a good time to bond with family.

RIP grandma.
Your family loves you.
And, love never dies.

Aimee said...

Thinking of you. I'm so sorry you weren't able to say goodbye. As Mama Nabi said, it IS a bitch.

The important thing, as you stated a few posts back, was that she knew you loved her. It's so hard to get that individual time when so many are vying for it, but I believe they know. To me, as long as they know, that's the thing that matters most.

It is an odd thing how funerals or tragedies bring families together. These events are like a pilgrimage to our home place and it is then that we renew relationships and reacquaint ourselves. Don't feel bad about looking forward to seeing everyone. It's a good thing that you're coming together as a family to celebrate the life of an incredible woman.

The dress being appropriate is an odd kind of the icing on the cake.

My sympathy for your loss. You're in my prayers.

Beloved said...

So sorry to hear about your grandmother. I lost my grandfather without ever saying good-bye and sometimes I'm still surprised that he's gone. He died after a 6-month bout with cancer, but I never saw him during that period so only remember him as healthy. His death was very surreal.

As for the dress and the anticipation of seeing family--isn't it wonderful that joy can continue after someone dies?

Snickollet said...

I am so sorry about your grandmother, but I completely understand about the joy you will feel in seeing your aunts and cousins. I feel the same about having my mom here with me right now.

Make the most of the joys and honor the sorrows.