When I started this blog I was working in Baltimore. The company was small, our clients were relatively intimate. The job itself probably took 60% of my time at work and rarely delved into my time outside work. I had tons of time and energy to invest in real world and blog relationships.
This job? Sheesh. I'm surprised to discover that being in a management position has drained any desire to connect with people outside of work. I'm tapped out. I've heard all the sob stories, interacted with all the people I can handle and want to come home and shut down. (Fortunately I still like Jrex and he's relaxing to be with at the end of the day, so that works out.) I don't like this work-only focus AT ALL.
I hate that when a friend texts me to join her in bringing dinner over to another friend, it feels like a drain. I miss reading blogs. I miss catching up on Facebook. I hate that working with the junior high girls feels like a HUGE sacrifice because it means I don't get to recharge during church, instead it's more people and more interactions and more drain. I don't like being consumed by work. This feels like a waste of my life. I liked who I could be in Baltimore where who I was outside of my job meant far more than who I was at work.
Jrex is interviewing in NYC tomorrow. In many ways I'd love to live in NYC, but if it means continuing on this same sort of 'career' path, it doesn't feel worth it. We'll see what happens (and obviously, there are other jobs I could do in New York! It would be fun to see what else is out there). He has verbal offers from the other two possibilities and I don't know if the job in NY is as ready to get an offer out the door. In two weeks we head back to Dallas and then he's hoping to head to Portland the week after that. Perhaps by the end of February we'll know what's next.
Hmm...maybe it's more than just my job that's draining. This is a lot of 'what if' to carry around in my head.
The point of this post is that I miss you all! Though you certainly won't know it as my silence stretches on and on...