January 11, 2011

Then vs. Now

When I started this blog I was working in Baltimore. The company was small, our clients were relatively intimate. The job itself probably took 60% of my time at work and rarely delved into my time outside work. I had tons of time and energy to invest in real world and blog relationships.

This job? Sheesh. I'm surprised to discover that being in a management position has drained any desire to connect with people outside of work. I'm tapped out. I've heard all the sob stories, interacted with all the people I can handle and want to come home and shut down. (Fortunately I still like Jrex and he's relaxing to be with at the end of the day, so that works out.) I don't like this work-only focus AT ALL.

I hate that when a friend texts me to join her in bringing dinner over to another friend, it feels like a drain. I miss reading blogs. I miss catching up on Facebook. I hate that working with the junior high girls feels like a HUGE sacrifice because it means I don't get to recharge during church, instead it's more people and more interactions and more drain. I don't like being consumed by work. This feels like a waste of my life. I liked who I could be in Baltimore where who I was outside of my job meant far more than who I was at work.

Jrex is interviewing in NYC tomorrow. In many ways I'd love to live in NYC, but if it means continuing on this same sort of 'career' path, it doesn't feel worth it. We'll see what happens (and obviously, there are other jobs I could do in New York! It would be fun to see what else is out there). He has verbal offers from the other two possibilities and I don't know if the job in NY is as ready to get an offer out the door. In two weeks we head back to Dallas and then he's hoping to head to Portland the week after that. Perhaps by the end of February we'll know what's next.

Hmm...maybe it's more than just my job that's draining. This is a lot of 'what if' to carry around in my head.

The point of this post is that I miss you all! Though you certainly won't know it as my silence stretches on and on...


Anonymous said...

I have been where you are and I regret those lost years when work took all of my energy. I know it's difficult to find a balance especially when people look to you for support, but remember it's your one sweet life and do what works best for you.

Rachel said...

I can relate to feeling like you spend so much time interacting with people at work that you don't have much energy for it on the weekends.

All the uncertainty sounds very stressful. I hope you guys figure out where you're headed soon.

Inkling said...

Trying to find out where you'll put your roots next and what your life will look like in a few months while in limbo is hard! I'm glad you at least have an "end window" in sight, and I hope you guys are able to feel peace about whatever decision you do make.

Thanks for checking in. Yeah, it seems an eternity has gone on since December 28th. And all the plans and dreams I had on the 27th got changed. When I think about how I'm that impacted, that's when I really think about how my friend and her children are impacted even more. Thanks for being there with your words of wisdom and encouragement. You blessed and comforted me more than you may know this morning. It was huge for me, so thanks!

Aimee said...

I miss you, too! I hope the move and all the new things coming your way bring a change that helps you slow down and adjust the pace a bit. :-)

Anonymous said...

Welcome to the real world.

Consider: All major changes in society and culture require the commitment and exhaustion and isolation you are experiencing. And only a tiny percentage of the population is willing to endure that kind of pain. We owe great gratitude to people who are willing and able to take management responsibilities and utilize them to bless to others. However, they inevitably get enormous amounts of static and resistance along the way.

So, bless you for what you're doing.

It will give you wisdom for deciding your future career path. May you vision a goal which you're so willing to go after that you're willing to go through the pain.

mama nabi said...

Not that I am usually a "glass-half-full" type of person, more like glass-will-soon-be-bone-dry kind of person... BUT I see this as a good sign. It does sound like you are sorting out what you do and don't want in your work life, what you do want in your life in general, etc.. Hang in there - I'm positive that you guys will make a well-thought out best choice in your new location and the changes will be exciting and fun! (besides, my word verification is "crosses" - I see that as a sign!)