I had time to read some blogs today and two posts got me thinking about the need to delve into the emotions I'm avoiding. I don't know if I'll be able to do a post each day, but I think I might try.
Snickollet is trying to do a post a day. It sounds like she's in a similar position where the busy moments of life get in the way of introspection. Until she got hit by a truck. http://snickollet.blogspot.com/
One of my local friends has been blogging about her time in the Solomon Islands as a missionary. They were there to craft a New Testament in the local language. She raised and home schooled four kids while her husband worked on the translation. After many years in the field, she found out her husband had a porn addiction. Then, the organization found out. That story is unfolding on her blog: http://kaybruner.com/blogs/
The problem for me is that much of my emotional journey right now is intertwined with stuff with Jrex. He's a private person and I don't want to air any of his dirty laundry while trying to wash mine. Yet we don't have much time together to discuss any of this (part of the emotional pain). It's been part of the complex brew that I've been avoiding.
The stuff I've avoided thinking about and therefore the topics I'm hoping to explore:
- honesty/openness vs 'secrets' vs privacy: where's the line? What's a healthy boundary given my personality and Jrex's?
- my feelings around church and attending it without Jrex
- how to raise a kid in a family when the answer to "aren't you both religious?" is "it's complicated"
- the logistics of balancing any church commitment with family commitment when they don't happen in the same place at the same time
- dealing with discipline for a one-year old
- the craving to do something totally non-demanding and how that saps whatever time I have to do anything constructive
- how to do family time when one's husband just wants to watch sports on the weekends
- how to do couples time when babysitting is expensive and being house poor impacts our comfort in spending any money
- how long it takes to achieve emotional intimacy with other moms (time together being full of the distractions of little destructos)
- dog neglect and the accuracy of Jrex's predictions on that score
- continuing insecurity that if it's not funny or witty, it's not worth publishing it on the blog
- overall blog identity crisis: who is it for? Given the FB option for getting news out, is there a purpose? I'm hoping that using it to do some emotional delving will help give it a reason to exist again
The only way to begin is to begin, right? So. This is the beginning.