January 19, 2010

The Klutz Quiz

You may be the sort of person who's never been injured. Who walks down the street and never stubs a toe or trips over a raised bit of sidewalk. Who views glassware with the careless assumption it will never break in your hands. Perhaps you're considering a change in status? You've become bored with your scar-free existence. If so, do you have what it takes to survive a world filled with sharp objects and hard surfaces? Take our quiz to find out:

While doing home repair you lose your balance, fall backwards and slice the palm of your hand open on a wallpaper scraper in a bucket. Do you:
  1. Lay there crying and hoping a neighbor notices and comes to check if you're ok.
  2. Call 9-1-1 and get an ambulance to chauffeur you to the hospital.
  3. Pick yourself up, rinse it, decide you need stiches, grab a handful of paper towels and then drive yourself to the hospital while calling your husband/wife/significant other on the phone.
  4. Stitch it your own damn self.
Your husband is cooking dinner for two doctor friends. You're setting the table. You try to carry three glasses at once. It's a mistake. When your finger is sliced open by shattered glass do you:
  1. Start crying and wait for them to leave so your h/w/s.o. can take you to the doctor.
  2. Call 9-1-1 for your weekly ride.
  3. Let the docs examine it, run over to urgent care with your dinner guests, get stitches and then come back and finish dinner.
  4. Tell them to stitch it. They're doctors, right?
At the end of a dog walk, you run the last half block. In the dark. In the rain. Unseen by you, someone's discarded Christmas tree has a really long trunk jutting into the sidewalk. After literally flying in the air you hit the sidewalk fairly hard. As you get up, you can tell that one of your teeth is gone. Do you:
  1. Lay there crying and hoping the home-owners will hear you and come outside. They should feel guilty!
  2. Dig out your cell phone and get to know a new set of ambulance drivers.
  3. Run back into the house and grab a headlamp while announcing to your h/w/s.o., "Change of plans. I have to go find my tooth." Walk slowly back to the scene of the crime and then scan the ground at a low angle with the light. Pick up the only chip of white you can find. Ask him if it's a tooth. When confirmed, take it home, put it in a baggy and call for a dentist appointment.
  4. That's what super glue is for.
If you picked number 1 for all questions:
Get up off the floor you wet noodle!

If you picked number 2:
Congratulations. You know how to work the system. Don't you have any friends?

If you picked number 3:
Well Done! You're good at handling shock and knowing what to do in an emergency. You have exactly what it takes to accumulate stitch scars and war stories and tell them with a smile. Rock on, you crazy kid. And maybe try slowing down, thinking a little and looking where you're going.

Number 4:
You eat bear meat, don't you? Raw.

PS. She left Saturday. Song of the day, "I'm Free! to do what I want..."


otr mama said...

This has me laughing so hard!

Rachel said...

Ha! And wow, did all those things really happen to you?

Glad you have the house to yourself again.

Aimee said...

I'm guessing you could answer C on all these questions. Maybe D. :-)

Mama Nabi said...

I, too, am a klutz. Yet, the only stitches I've received in the past have been post-surgery ones. I think I'm just too stupid to know when I need stitches - I just use duct tape and gauze. For real.

YAY. (haha, my word verification is "ductrat".)

Anonymous said...

Praise God. I've been praying for you. You've been under far too much pressure.

But, if you can take time to make us laugh -- by showing what a tough inner-city kid you are -- then the worst must be over. You have some leisure. Good.

Or do I assume too much? How is the fiasco going at the office? And how is Mom K?