July 22, 2009


Yesterday morning as I prayed for Jrex and his family, I started to pray that the Lord would take Dad home. I got a nauseous feeling in my stomach. This has happened to me before and is usually an indication I'm heading off 'the path'. So I stopped and asked, "What are You doing then?"

I didn't hear a voice, no thunder or anything, but I got a quiet sense that He wanted me to know, "[Mom K] isn't ready yet. I'm giving her a little more time." Not the sense that He won't take Dad home, but to not yet actively pray for the end. I shared that with Jrex last night and we prayed together for Mom to hear what she needs to hear in order to be able to let Dad go.

It turned out their meeting with the medical team was today, not yesterday. I thought they'd be sending him off to a nursing home asap pending the outcome of the discussion. They will be sending him to a lower level of care (not in the SICU anymore), they will be putting in a feeding tube, but it's not quite a nursing home yet. Jrex asked about withdrawing care, but they said that it's too soon to tell if his brain is truly gone. They want to wait 2-3 weeks and then do an EEG to check for brain function.

At the moment, Dad has pneumonia, which could be impacting him. As a 75 year old in a coma for two-weeks, the likelihood of him sitting up and getting out of bed, even if he recovers brain function are slim to none. Jrex is trying to get Mom to opt for a DNI order (Do Not Intubate). She's signed the DNR (Do Not Resucitate; ie don't bring back from heart failure). Due to the pnuemonia, they'll likely have to put him back on a vent. (He's been off it the past three days and was breathing on his own.) Jrex's sister tried to get Mom to consider, "It would be easier to choose not to put him on the vent than it would be to choose to turn it off." Mom said she'd think about it, but I can tell she's just not ready for it.

One moral of this story is to put any of your end of life choices in writing. Dad said no tubes, no extraordinary measures, he told Mom he didn't want her making decisions he wanted Jrex (Dad knew it would be too emotional for her), but none of it is in writing. So here we wait.

Jrex's sister had another dream two nights ago. With reluctance she told Jrex she'd dreamt they got a call in the middle of the night that Dad was gone. Jrex told her that was his hope. I do think that will happen, but I don't think it will be in the next couple of days.

Mom is being given the gift of time.


Inkling said...

Wow. I'm glad that in the midst of all of this that you were able to listen to Jesus and hear Him. I'll be continuing to pray with you. You guys are often on my mind during my many night wakings with the wee one. I've learned that those are good prayer times.

Will JRex stay there indefinitely, or do you guys know yet what he will have to do?

Rachel said...

This sounds so hard. I will continue praying for you all.

Lil Sis said...

I'm so happy for you that you were able in the middle of all this hear and listen to God's plan. I will continue to pray for you all through these very tough times with difficult choices.

Beloved said...

This must be so hard for all of you. You seem to have such a great sense of peace though, in spite of everything. I'll be praying that your MIL will also find that peace however long it may take.