Sometimes it would be nice to be ignorant.
I don't like knowing it's July, and therefore all the first-year residents in hospitals around the country are fresh out of med school.
I don't like knowing that Dad K is in a Surgical Intensive Care Unit (SICU). (As in "Sick You") I'm married to an Internal Medicine veteran who's told me plenty of stories of post-surgery mishandling by SICU's. He's 80-85% happy with his father's treatment, but we'd both feel better if he were in a MICU instead (Medical . . . ).
I don't like that it took Jrex talking to three nurses, two residents and a senior resident before the vent settings and meds were adjusted for the fact that Dad K was a heavy smoker.
I don't like hearing from my coworker who just stopped his smoking habit that he had HORRIBLE nightmares for three weeks. And he was on a nicotine patch. So . . . Dad K is in a coma stuck with whatever is happening in his body as he goes through withdrawal.
I don't like waiting for his condition to change for the better and not knowing when it will happen. I don't like not knowing what the 'new normal' will look like. I don't like not knowing when my hubby will be home again.
I do like that when I spend time with the Lord, I can wash away all these concerns. I can lay them at his feet (an often loud, tear-filled process) and receive peace in exchange. I can know that no matter what it all looks like, there's someone besides me in control, and even when he does things differently than I might suggest, somehow it WILL work out for the best.
I just wish it didn't take me so long to get to the time with the Lord. It's like an old song says, "Oh what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry, everything to God in prayer." (Picture old ladies with German accents, large black women with gold teeth, and a skinny little white girl swaying back and forth as they sing)