Sometimes it would be nice to be ignorant.
I don't like knowing it's July, and therefore all the first-year residents in hospitals around the country are fresh out of med school.
I don't like knowing that Dad K is in a Surgical Intensive Care Unit (SICU). (As in "Sick You") I'm married to an Internal Medicine veteran who's told me plenty of stories of post-surgery mishandling by SICU's. He's 80-85% happy with his father's treatment, but we'd both feel better if he were in a MICU instead (Medical . . . ).
I don't like that it took Jrex talking to three nurses, two residents and a senior resident before the vent settings and meds were adjusted for the fact that Dad K was a heavy smoker.
I don't like hearing from my coworker who just stopped his smoking habit that he had HORRIBLE nightmares for three weeks. And he was on a nicotine patch. So . . . Dad K is in a coma stuck with whatever is happening in his body as he goes through withdrawal.
I don't like waiting for his condition to change for the better and not knowing when it will happen. I don't like not knowing what the 'new normal' will look like. I don't like not knowing when my hubby will be home again.
I do like that when I spend time with the Lord, I can wash away all these concerns. I can lay them at his feet (an often loud, tear-filled process) and receive peace in exchange. I can know that no matter what it all looks like, there's someone besides me in control, and even when he does things differently than I might suggest, somehow it WILL work out for the best.
I just wish it didn't take me so long to get to the time with the Lord. It's like an old song says, "Oh what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry, everything to God in prayer." (Picture old ladies with German accents, large black women with gold teeth, and a skinny little white girl swaying back and forth as they sing)
5 comments:
Thank you for the next-to-last paragraph. I needed that today.
Thinking of you and your family.
I can see that knowing all those things would make the situation even more stressful; on the other hand, it's good that JRex knows the system and can advocate for his dad. Sending you hugs, positive thoughts, and prayers.
Praying for you. In fact, I'm sleepless at the moment, and always figure that God can use that for praying time. So that's what I'm going to be doing after I finish typing this comment.
I'm glad JRex is there to be such a knowledgeable advocate that the medical staff can respect. I'm glad Jesus is in the mix for you two.
The song you mentioned has been on my mental "playlist" these past months along with the Count Your Blessing and It Is Well songs. Only instead of old Germans, I am remembering those songs with a bunch of midwestern old ladies and a wheezy organ. =) I sing them outloud, and hope that my son will pick up the words as he grows up just like I did. Kids don't learn hymns nowadays, so I'm glad that it's one thing I can pass on....well, until he learns that I really cannot sing.
Oh, OTRGirl, I am praying for you. May you find comfort in the arms of Jesus during this tough time of limbo. And may your family find hope and your father-in-law find healing very, very soon. (And may those interns have a brain and be resourceful, not to mention respectful and able to listen to your husband.)
I've had a few hymns in my head as well, "I Surrender" and "Lay It Down"...both I'm humming for you now and I will continue to pray for you and family and the docs and staff that are caring for him.
My father said the same when he was in a coma, being a heavy smoker most of his life, I will ask God to silence any nightmares for your FIL.
Lots of love to you and hard hugs too!
I haven't been reading blogs for as long as I haven't been writing... so just read your last several entries at one swoop. I am so sorry to hear about Dad K's fall and stay in the ICU... it is harrowing under the best of circumstance. I'm glad to hear he is making some progress though. Praying for really good care for him in spite of its being July!!
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