Feast or Famine

Nothing may come of this, but one of my freelance clients here might sign some big contracts in the next couple weeks. He's talking about buying me out of my new job if that happens. It's an exciting proposition since I'd functionally be doing the total design for a start-up company. It would keep me involved in branding and interactive design (which would really help my portfolio...) Anyone know the ethics in that kind of situation? How much time do I owe the job I'm about to start?

Job vs. Career

In September I interviewed at the largest exhibit design center on the West Coast. The Head Guy asked me a question that has haunted me since then, “Do you want a job, or do you want a career?” He continued with, “If you want a career, you’ll commute for it. If you just want a job and you’re across the Bay, it’s not going to work.”

The truth is I want a career, but I want it close to home, convenient, and only 40 hours a week. The Head Guy suggested I call a friend of his who is a partner at of one of the biggest design companies in the world. I still haven’t called him. The Head Guy is in Oakland, The Partner is in San Francisco. To commute to Oakland involves at least 45 minutes of driving in traffic. Commuting to San Francisco takes two trains and an hour and 20 minutes each way. It bothers me that I never called The Partner. What is wrong with me? Even if I didn’t get work there, his name could open other doors. I never banged on doors, dropped off my portfilio, sent my resume out or did anything aggressive. I took contract jobs through two creative placement agencies. The job I found was through Craig’s List.

This job is NOT a career move. It’s just a job. As an in-house designer I will be working within corporate guidelines, not generating new ideas. I won’t be meeting with clients, or gaining agency experience. I won’t learn better website design. On the other hand, I hop on the train and ride it up two stops and then bike the final two miles. It integrates exercise into my daily life and it’s a short commute.

What’s freaking me out is that I’ve always thought I was competitive and ambitious. That I would call anyone or do what it takes to get what I want. The hard part has been figuring out what I DO want. And in the end what I want is just a job.

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I think that after my Mom’s illness and death, many things were rearranged in my mind. I didn’t care about work anymore. No matter what I do to make a living, it’s not eternal. It just doesn’t matter that much in the grand scheme of things. What is eternal are the relationships in my life. Those are the people I’ll see again in heaven. The reality is that I DO sacrifice and work hard for relationships. That’s what’s made my home life suffer: being available for friends, not working overtime at a job.

Part of the reason I didn’t pursue those career possibilities is I didn’t want to walk through that open door. I didn’t want to force myself into a lifestyle where I have to work 60 hours a week (with a 2 hour and 40 minute commute every day, it would be 60-80 hours minimum). I didn’t want to sacrifice my marriage so I could make garbage. (No matter how many awards the annual report wins, it mostly ends up in the trash, right?)

I’m still a bit freaked out that this job will make me creatively claustrophobic. I’ll keep my options open and continue to pursue relationships with local designers. Perhaps I’ll find something that is both job and career. But in the meantime, I’m happy with ‘just a job’.

Got it!

Just got a call and was offered the job! In the midst of all the car chaos it's comforting to know I'll be getting a paycheck soon.

It'll take a week of processing before I can start work. The woman who called asked what I hoped to make. "Well, I've been told that designers in San Francisco get between ___ and ____ so I was hoping for something in that range." (Considering that I made half that at my last job I had to laugh at my own nonchalance). She asked what I'd made in my previous job and, thinking on my feet, I scrambled, "Less than that, since Baltimore was a lower scale for everything. For example we had a three-bedroom house that cost us $125,000." She laughed and offered me something within that range. Inside I was excited but calmly answered, "That should be fine for now."

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I took a humor risk during the interview when they said they'd need to do a drug test. I acted like I was getting up to go and exclaimed, "Well, that's it for me then!" Fortunately in the job description they'd mentioned that humor was important.

My other risky response during the interview was when they asked how I handle stress. I grinned, "You mean aside from running around the room cursing?"

I guess I was right about their humor. Phew!

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Modified to add: I met with one of my freelance clients yesterday. He has a few deals that might go through in the next couple months. I just couldn't wait to find out if they were going to work out. He asked what they offered me so that he would know what he has to offer to buy me out! It may not happen, but it was flattering to be asked.

'scuse me while I vent a little

Last Friday Ms. P left at 6 am to catch a plane. At noon Mr. Shove came to stay. Mr. Shove is the founder/creative director of a physical theatre group in Rochester. For the past five days he and I have worked almost 'round the clock to try to get his website updated. Last night I was up long enough to walk the dog in the morning and then collapse for two hours. We didn't get the site done, but we're well on the way.

I tell you that to tell you this. When I'm tired, I cry about anything. Anything.

When I called* the mechanic today and he told me they'd put the whole car back together and THEN tested to see if the head gaskets had been warped when the car overheated, I just about died. After maintaining composure long enough to ask how much more THAT might cost (at $95/hr labor) to fix, I lost it. Now we're at least $1000 over the reimbursement check we just received. It wouldn't be so bad except he mentioned that if a Subaru gets so hot it overheats and shuts itself off, head warpage is a common occurance. When I brought the car in I told him I'd driven to San Jose where the car just stopped at a light. No, there was no smoke, but it completely stopped. He said I hadn't told him that (lie!) or he'd have checked this earlier.

I've always taken the Subaru to a dealer and felt maybe I was being overcharged for the privilege. Maybe I have been, but I've never seen this kind of (lack-of) response rate. A week and a half in the shop and now you want to add this?! I don't think so. We'll pick up the car tomorrow and find another place. Anyone know a good mechanic?

note: the guy has only called me twice, otherwise I've been calling him.

Sigh

Good news: The reimbursement check for moving expenses is bigger than either of us expected.

Bad news: It's barely enough to cover the cost of fixing our Subaru. Which has languished for the past week in the shop.*

*Which is why it took me 1.5 hours on public transportation to get to my interview on Thursday. Jrex biked 40 minutes each way to work one day, bummed a ride the next and then WALKED an hour and a half there on Friday. After hearing that story, someone from lab loaned us their second car until ours is fixed.

When you're too lazy to leave the house to find a Hallmark version

Handmade thank you card for Thursday's job interview. It's an in-house design group for ABS, the company that makes my husband's research equipment. A company 20 minutes up the road by car, but 1.5 hours by public transportation. The three women interviewing me were Asian. I wonder if they were disappointed when Ms. Most Common Name in Korea showed up in all her pale-faced glory?

New Year Food

Being a fourth generation American on my Mom's side and a DAR on my Dad's side, it's hard to claim any particular traditions. As a 1.5 generation Korean-American Jrex has a clearly definied culture. Out of self-defense, I claim random items as being necessary for my 'German' cultural identity (mostly dessert and beer). The only other specifically German tradition I have is pork and saurkraut for New Years day. Koreans tend to eat duk-gook (a dumpling based soup) for New Years. Most years we have soup for breakfast and pork in saurkraut from the crockpot for dinner.

I think he's fully corrupted me though. This year we had duk-gook for brunch and then Jrex made a FANTASTIC New Years dinner. He ad libbed a recipe involving rosemary and thyme encrusted chicken breasts on a bed of wild rice surrounded by steamed veggies. For dessert we had mixed fruit with honey and almonds. As my friend and I cleaned up after dinner, Jrex played piano in the living room. Ms. P turned to me and exclaimed, "If I'd known it was this good here, I'd have been here months ago!"

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I provided the key ingredient for dinner. A couple days ago as I walked the dog past the retirement home, I realized the bushy hedges separating the cars were rosemary. I brought some home and used it for dinner.

As I started out on a dog walk yesterday I heard someone calling my name. I turned back to find my husband. When I got closer to him he said, "Could you pick up some rosemary while you're out?" I looked confused, "But I don't have any money and the stores are all closed?" He gave me a look that signaled I'd had a DBM. "Oh!" I exclaimed "You mean 'pick up' some rosemary!"

Those poor bushes are going to be stripped by spring.