I just wrote this comment on a friends blog. She was reflecting that she knows very few Mother/Daughter relationships that are good. Another person commented and wondered if part of the problem is moms projecting themselves onto their daugthers and not allowing them to be their own person. Here's my response to both of them:
Given the caveat that a mother who has been dead for 15 years colors my view, overall we had a good relationship.
think the previous commenter has a good point about Moms not letting
the child be their own person. My Mom seems to have been very unusual in
the degree of autonomy she gave each of us.
For my college
graduation my Mom wrote a poem about how I'd been her teacher. That I'd
been born with such a distinct personality that she learned from the
beginning to let me be the person God designed me to be. She was
definitely not perfect and when we shared a house she drove me CRAZY,
but she had a lot of wisdom.
She let me express anger. At her.
She asked for forgiveness. She viewed our primary relationship as
sisters in Christ and therefore (sometimes) made room for me to speak
into her life. Even when I was 7-year old who knew it all.
fell, she told me I'd be fine (rather than running to comfort me). When
I dyed my hair black as a teenager, she said it was striking. She
wouldn't let me dress immodestly, but otherwise, was ok letting me
express myself through clothing (even a punk rebellion). She told me to
trust my intuition. By expressing her real emotions, she showed me how
to handle mine.
I think it's possible to have a good mother/daughter relationship, but I think it requires a
Mom who isn't threatened by her daughter and who can make a lot of room
for God to be the one who is in control.
Do you have a good relationship with your same-gender parent? Why or why not?
[On a different level, it's a relief that I can write a post like that and have it feel good, yet matter-of-fact. I know that a few years ago it would have brought up many overwhelming emotions.]