The moving decision is made . . . and, not shockingly, it’s Dallas.
For a while now, Jrex has had a persistent gut sense that the choice was going to be Dallas. Last Thursday, Jrex heard from the guy in P0rtland that everything was in progress, but he didn’t have the paperwork done yet. Basically that P0rtland email crystallized for Jrex the fact that he needed to trust his gut (and the fact that I was getting the same gut sense, even if I didn’t want to listen to it) and that the choice was Dallas. The directors of both programs are good friends and are both straight shooters, so we thought it would be better for Jrex to just call them both to let them know the choice was made. That way P0rtland could stop all the logistics they were doing to get him lab space on top of the hill, etc.
It was SO hard for me to fully commit to that decision. I just didn’t want it to be true. I took some time yesterday to process everything. I wrote down what I’d hoped for P0rtland and what I feared about Dal1as. Then I wrote out key decision points in my life and how the Lord had led me and what the consequences were. For college, I decided between Oberl1n and Hampsh1re. On paper, Oberl1n made more sense. I could have come home on weekends when I needed to, my best friend was going there and it’s a great school, but Hampsh1re gave me a much better financial aid package, so I took that as the sign. And the town Hampsh1re was in had an amazing church that truly saved my faith as I worked through all the philosophical debates of college life.
Choosing to date Jrex also took me away from a known network. Matching in Rochester (which meant 3 more years there for Jrex after the 10 he’d already been there) also led us to an amazing church that started that next year. It gave me healing retreats and friendships with a fantastic group of artistic Christian women. Then in Baltimore we thought we wanted a row house with no yard work and instead the Lord led us to a house with a tree house and wisteria (i.e. LOTS of yard work), and we loved it. We discovered a gift for hospitality we hadn’t known we had. All of that reminded me that when I’ve trusted the Lord, even if it didn’t make sense on paper, there were great things that happened.
So I’m feeling better now. Still sad and will still have some grieving to do, but glad the decision is made so we can move ahead.
One comforting thought is that for family vacations we're hoping to rent a cabin in Crater Lake, or near Mt. St. Helens, etc. and let my family and OTRmama and her daughter know when we’ll be around so they can join us for a chunk of the time we’ll be in the area. It’s not the same, but feels better than nothing right now!
It's good to have the decision made. We even worked out dates for the move and Jrex's start date (July 18th and August 1st, respectively). I've emailed the realtor. It's all in motion now. Despite all mixed emotions at the moment, in the end it will be good.
Thanks for your support and listening during this process.