After all my posts about busy work, we've had a totally dead week. I got so tired of twiddling my thumbs in the office, I decided to 'work from home' today. Thus far? Cleaned rooms, doing some laundry, talked with my sister. We have more work coming in January, so it's not like we're in danger of layoffs, it's just going to be a very slow month.
Which is a nice change of pace!
Of course, as soon as work slows down, we start packing in the personal events. The next two weekends are already booked. Then on Monday the 21st, Mom K comes to town (on a one-way ticket!!) We both have to work that week, at least through the morning of Christmas Eve. Then that whole next week, I'm required by my job to take PTO. Which means Mom and I will get lots of time to hang out together. Thankfully, Jrex is planning to take most of the time off as well, so we're already planning some fun day trips and restaurants to enjoy.
I need some advice though. Mom and Dad K's wedding anniversary is December 23rd. We both will be working that day (which leaves her here in the apartment alone). What should we do to acknowledge her first anniversary since his death? I was a horrible daughter for my Dad in this. I always thought of him on November 1st, but never emailed or called. I literally had no idea how to handle it. What do you say? "I know you're thinking of Mom and it's a hard day." Obviously. I didn't even do that.
Do we do a special dinner? Have a candle-lighting ceremony? Tell stories about Dad? I know the principle that we're supposed to follow her lead, but I want to also give her permission to remember and grieve if she wants to do that. I suspect that my sister-in-law's focus has been to help Mom avoid thinking about Dad. I know that's not really a good solution and not a healthy way to grieve. I just don't know how to do this in a way that's cross-culturally sensitive and not just my family's version of 'how to grieve' (in which my special gift seemed to be to get people to cry).
Any suggestions? Anyone who's lost a spouse, what should we/could we do?