On Sunday morning, Mom K and I went to the front of the church together for communion. Jrex stayed with the baby in the pew. The church has an altar rail with kneelers in front of it that circles the base of the choir/preaching platform. Inside the rail are little individual cups of wine. After kneeling at the rail, the pastor comes over with a loaf of bread and offers, "The Body of Christ, broken for you". Holding the bread, you can pray for as long as you need to, then eat the bread and take the wine. I love having time to confess if I need to and really feel that as I take communion, I'm receiving God's mercy, both physically and spiritually.
Well, on Sunday, I had my attitude toward Mom K to work through. I felt convicted that I need to seek what I can receive from her rather than standing back with my arms folded and my barriers up. It helped that she was kneeling next to me as I prayed.
After church, we were chatting with friends. Mom K had stepped outside to make a phone call. One woman, the one who'd invited me to the Bible Study I go to on Fridays, asked how it was going. I explained Mom's 'no cry' philosophy and it's consequences. She laughed and gave me this eye opener, "When our third child was nine-months old, we were missionaries in the Solomon Islands. We lived in a village of 100 people. In the village, everyone could hear everything that happened in each others house. Culturally, they don't believe in ever letting a child cry for any reason. After 9 months of not sleeping, I was losing my mind. We were trying to train him to go to sleep and he was crying during the night. One night at 3 AM, there was a knock on the door. 'Why is M crying? We love him, we'll walk with him and help him to sleep!' I was ready to kill someone!"
I thanked her profusely for putting my situation into stark perspective. I've only got one woman judging me for letting him cry, I can't imagine having to worry about a whole village!
Since then, yes, I've still been hiding in our room a bit, but that's more just talk fatigue. When I'm with her, I feel much more open to listening to her wisdom and asking her questions. Of course, it's only been two days, but I'm hoping my attitude will stay adjusted!
2 comments:
The other thing I try to keep in mind at times when I wish my kids were more 'independent' already... You never hear any one complain that wish they had spent less time with their child when they were little. Instead, you always hear that they wish they had spent MORE time, that they miss when their child NEEDED and WANTED them, that the time as a baby/little one goes all too quickly and you should ENJOY every minute. I know from personal and still current experience that it can be frustrating when you want to sleep or some personal time. But I try to remember that this is a short season, and a time of investment on my part. I try to enjoy being with my child, sometimes I take advantage of the time to pray for him or her. I could write more, but you get the idea...this is already long!
You totally rock, you know?! You are handling this with grace whether you feel it or not. I'm impressed. And when you get tired of Mom K, send her over here. My little guy has decided that he would rather move back into our bed than stay in his "truck" bed. If she wanted to bunk with him and keep him happy, this would be a lovely well rested house even for a moment. ;)
Seriously though, I have already decided our next baby will need to learn to be a little more chill and laid back than our first one. I've already given God my "order" and hope He can deliver on that when the time comes. =)
You are doing great and I'm cheering you on from Canada.
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